Davis

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  1. Thanks everyone! I simply made it clear that I didn't want to be involved in any way with discussing problems between the two of them, and that will be it. I think I did over-react because of a superficially similar situation I had with an ex-girlfriend -- sometimes it's very useful to have people tell you to calm down, weirdo .
  2. I would rather it be at "arm's length" than hear very private concens about the workings of their marriage without the consent and knowledge of both partners. And probably even then; I'm no marrage counsellor. In what way am I over-reacting? You think that her coming to me is not a bad sign, or that my brother likely won't care that she did?
  3. For the sake of openness, I should begin by saying that I have another name on The Forum, and decided to post anonymously so as to not air the dirty laundry of those whose consent I do not have. I was my brother’s best man at his wedding several months ago. We will call him David and his wife Sandra. He, Sandra, and I are close and I like both of them very much. She and I enjoy racquetball, while he does not, so each week Sandra and I play with my cousin and his wife. Several days ago, we played and I stopped by her house to get her opinion on an irrelevant manner afterward, and she asked for my advice as well about a career choice (my brother was out of the house). I advised her to quit her job due to the immorality of the nature of what she was being asked to do, reminding her that there are things more important than a paycheck, and that a person as intelligent and hardworking as she is can get a paycheck in many different ways. At this point, she began crying and told me how he worries compulsively about money (that is, regardless of the amount earned), and it would cause him a great deal of anxiety to lose her source of income, despite the fact that he earns enough for both of them. At this point, I advised her to speak with him, or perhaps with him and a marriage counselor. I felt extremely uncomfortable to discuss anything about him without him present, and so I did not speak to her problem directly, although I sympathize with her situation very much. She told me that she would discuss the issue with him. I think that talking to someone outside the marriage about marital problems without the knowledge of their partner is a very troublesome sign; I once had a girlfriend complain to David about problems she and I were having, to which I took great offense. I plan on telling my Sandra that I feel uncomfortable discussing her problems with him, and that we can’t do it in the future. My biggest query is this: Should I tell David about this? I recall from my aforementioned relationship that I would have wanted him to tell me that my ex-girlfriend was coming to him with these issues (he didn’t mention it until after the relationship had ended). Additionally, he is somewhat jealous, and if I don’t mention anything and it comes out later, he may wonder whether or not anything else happened that I didn’t see fit to mention (of course, this implication is not plausible due to my character). Also, between being his brother, friend, and best man, it strikes me that my first loyalty should be to him; that is, if I find knowledge that he would want to know that may be pertinent to his well-being, I should tell him that knowledge since it has been imposed on me without my assurance that I would not repeat the information. I am close with both of them, and I don’t feel good about repeating something personal someone has told me and sought advice on, but I think this may be a special case for the reasons above. How should I handle this?