Henrik Unné

Being married to a non-Objectivist

21 posts in this topic

I have recently married a woman who is not, as I am, an Objectivist. I consider myself to be a "died-in-the-wool", "fanatical" (well, maybe that is an exageration, Objectivists are not ever *fanatical*. I suppose, since that term implies, I think, believing in ideas on emotional grounds) Objectivist. I have been studying, and attempting to live by, Objectivism for 30 years. I take Objectivism seriously.

But my wife, Thi, whom I married just a little over a month ago, is not an Objectivist. She is not interested in intellectual matters at all. Her philosophy is, apparently, a mixture of Christianity and Buddhism (Thi was born a Buddhist, in Vietnam, and she converted to Christianity as an adult). However, she has a secular outlook on life. She is not otherworldly. Which of course is good.

I wonder if any other Objectivists here have any experience of being married to a non-Objectivist? I have never been married before at all, so I suppose that I need all the advice that I can get, in regard to marriage generally, in addition to the specific question of how to get along with a non-Objectivist spouse.

It is not that I have experienced any problems being married to a non-Objectivist. Thi and I get along very well. And Thi does not object to my views, as far as she knows about them (Thi and I have not had time to talk much about ideas yet, and she does not seem to be interested in ideas anyway). But I wonder if any of you think that problems might develop if Thi continues not to be interested in ideas?

You may be wondering why I married a non-Objectivist in the first place. Well, Thi is a good person. She is kind, considerate, affectionate and, importantly she is a moral person. She is honest, productive, rational etc. Also, I am 55, and when I met Thi some 5 months ago, I was rather desperate to find a wife, before I became too old. I did not think that it would be a realistic policy to "hold out" for an Objectivist woman. There are very few Objectivists here in Sweden.

At any rate, I am optimistic about my marriage. Thi loves me, and I feel happy when I am with her. And I have given Thi copies of the Swedish translations of Anthem and The Fountainhead, and she has promised to read these two books. So maybe one day I will be able to make an Objectivist of her (not by pressure of course)!

Please give me any advice you may have as to how I can make my marriage to Thi a success!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Henrik,

First, congratulations! You have my very best wishes.

If you have learned anything from Objectivism, you know that a relationship is built on sense of life. Sense of life can support a lot. You also know, of course, that communication is your best tool.

I have had a marriage to an Objectivist and am now currently in a relationship with a woman who likes Ayn Rand, but is not an objectivist. I love her deeply. Being an Objectivist may not mean anything ultimately, except that you both shake your head at the news cast. It could mean more, but often doesn't. It doesn't mean that people still don't have problems.

Actually, my experience, and some other people that you might think of, is that your biggest issue might be the difference between your interest in intellectual activities. First thing to do is to look for respect of your intellectualism. Keep up with your activities. Respect yourself, of course. Don't try to change her. She deserves your respect, too. Please, forgive me for perhaps being too specific, but it could be a major problem.

All the best.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have recently married a woman who is not, as I am, an Objectivist. I consider myself to be a "died-in-the-wool", "fanatical" (well, maybe that is an exageration, Objectivists are not ever *fanatical*. I suppose, since that term implies, I think, believing in ideas on emotional grounds) Objectivist. I have been studying, and attempting to live by, Objectivism for 30 years. I take Objectivism seriously.

But my wife, Thi, whom I married just a little over a month ago, is not an Objectivist. She is not interested in intellectual matters at all. Her philosophy is, apparently, a mixture of Christianity and Buddhism (Thi was born a Buddhist, in Vietnam, and she converted to Christianity as an adult). However, she has a secular outlook on life. She is not otherworldly. Which of course is good.

I wonder if any other Objectivists here have any experience of being married to a non-Objectivist? I have never been married before at all, so I suppose that I need all the advice that I can get, in regard to marriage generally, in addition to the specific question of how to get along with a non-Objectivist spouse.

It is not that I have experienced any problems being married to a non-Objectivist. Thi and I get along very well. And Thi does not object to my views, as far as she knows about them (Thi and I have not had time to talk much about ideas yet, and she does not seem to be interested in ideas anyway). But I wonder if any of you think that problems might develop if Thi continues not to be interested in ideas?

Please give me any advice you may have as to how I can make my marriage to Thi a success!

The best advice I can give is to take it easy. Don't browbeat, don't preach; instead lead by example. In the end it is your sense of life that cements a bond, rather than intellectual agreement. If you push too hard you have the opposite result; people try to escape rather than accept. People can learn more from example when they are not interested in deep ideas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations! She sounds very sweet and loving.

However, in my own experience, I saw this as a red flag: But I wonder if any of you think that problems might develop if Thi continues not to be interested in ideas?

If she's the type to watch soap operas all day and you're the type to want intellectual stimulation, I see trouble ahead. Perhaps because you are interested in ideas, you could get her interested? Your enthusiasm is surely contagious. -_-

I agree with another post here, lead by example.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Henrik,

...If you have learned anything from Objectivism, you know that a relationship is built on sense of life. Sense of life can support a lot. You also know, of course, that communication is your best tool.

... Being an Objectivist may not mean anything ultimately, except that you both shake your head at the news cast...

Actually, my experience, and some other people that you might think of, is that your biggest issue might be the difference between your interest in intellectual activities...

Objectivism is a philosophy, not a criterion for evaluating news broadcasts. It does "ultimately" mean something. It is related to one's entire outlook on all aspects of living.

But it does not dictate what your specific values are, and in particular does not require being an "intellectual" or require an interest in intellectual activities. That is a personal choice and interest. A respect and appreciation for each other's interests is important, but engaging in the same activities, with the same level of ability and interest, is not the purpose of sharing a romantic relationship. Sharing an interest in the importance of ideas and principles is important, but don't take that to mean a requirement for abstract intellectual discussion. Of course if you are looking for a romantic relation with someone who also shares that then it is an important criterion, but it is not in general necessary for either a partnership or Objectivism.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

H,

I was married to a non-Objectivist for almost 20 years. It was not her non-Objectivism that was the cause for our divorce.

Just as Objectivism aids you in understanding and making choices in other areas of your life, it will help you to be a better husband.

A few tips from my past successes and failures in a similar scenario to yours:

• reality focus is key, if she has it then you have common ground;

• continuing mutual communication and respect is essential;

• on some points, you will just have to agree to disagree without it undermining your relationship; and

• despite all your together time, you both should still foster some separate interests and activities, which you can share through discourse.

She might never be into the ideas, but she could always be into your passion for the ideas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
H,

I was married to a non-Objectivist for almost 20 years. It was not her non-Objectivism that was the cause for our divorce.

Just as Objectivism aids you in understanding and making choices in other areas of your life, it will help you to be a better husband.

A few tips from my past successes and failures in a similar scenario to yours:

• reality focus is key, if she has it then you have common ground;

• continuing mutual communication and respect is essential;

• on some points, you will just have to agree to disagree without it undermining your relationship; and

• despite all your together time, you both should still foster some separate interests and activities, which you can share through discourse.

She might never be into the ideas, but she could always be into your passion for the ideas.

1) Thi definitely has a reality focus. In fact the only friction that has occurred between us so far is that Thi gets very angry with me when I am not "practical", for example when it slips my mind to do some chore, or run some errand that she asked me to. It sometimes irritates me that Thi gets so angry at me for errors that I regard as "small". I feel that she is overreacting, and not being reasonably tolerant of my weaknesses (such as that I sometimes am absent-minded, perhaps as a consequence of the bout with schizophrenia that I had when I was a teenager).

2) We certainly try to communicate. A problem is that I cannot understand a word of Vietnamese, so Thi and I have to communicate either in English or Swedish. But Thi´s pronunciation is atrocious (of course that´s not her fault), so I keep misunderstanding her, and she gets frustrated and angry when I co not understand what she is saying, despite the fact that she is trying so hard to make herself understood.

3) I think that the important thing is that we live by similar codes of morality (as far as I can tell). Thi is basically rational, productive, just, honest etc. We agree on what is morally right and what is moraly wrong.

4) I certainly do not want to give up my intellectual interests. And I certainly have no intention of telling Thi what she may or may not do with her time.

As for Thi not having deep intellectual interests, she comes from a nonfree country, Vietnam, so she probably has not lived in a culture that encouraged independent thinking, so I do not think that she can be faulted for not being deeply intellectual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In the Swedish language there is a word that reads "kulturkrock". This word means literally "a culture collission". Thi and I have had a sort of culture problem.

Thi says one thing, in Swedish, but I hear something else, because Thi´s pronunciation is so bad (which is not her fault). Once Thi said in Swedish - "I am going to church on Sunday". She used the Swedish word for church - "kyrka". But since she is from Eastern Asia, when she tried to pronounce the letter "r" in "kyrka", it came out as an "l". So I thought that she had said the word "kyckling", which is the Swedish word for chicken. So when Thi tried to tell me that she was going to church on Sunday, I answered her by asking - "Oh, you are going to eat chicken on Sunday?". Then we had a helluva a time finding out what went wrong in our communication. It took us several minutes of talking back and forth, before I finally understood that Thi wanted to tell me that she was going to church on Sunday.

The cultural differences between Sweden and Vietnam played another, more important role in our relationship. I would never have gotten to meet Thi in the first place if it had not been for the culture difference between our two countries. Thi told me on one occassion that she was afraid to be sent back to Vietnam, because she would be frowned upon by the people around her there. In Vietnam, it is namely the case that they do not approve of Vietnamese women marrying foreigners. And Thi had, before she met me, been married to a man born in Bangladesh, Omar, who lived in Sweden (Thi moved to Sweden in order to live with this man after she married him). But, I asked Thi, if Vietnamese women who marry foreigners are frowned upon - then why did you marry Omar, and why do you intend to marry me? She answered - "Because in Vietnam, most men beat their wives. And I do not want to be beaten by my husband." Well, that certainly is a good reason to go against the culture, and arouse one´s relatives´ and aquaintances´ disapproval, by marrying a foreigner! I respect Thi for that.

But there is a problem. Because I just happen to be a "spankophile". A "spankophile" is a person who perceives spanking as being erotic! But Thi definitely does not view spanking as being erotic. She says "Spanking just hurts." Thi was almost shocked the first time that I showed her my large collection of erotic books. They all had spanking and corporal punishment as their theme. I had to put forth a lot of effort in order do convince Thi that I was not dangerous, since I believe that erotic spanking has to be consensual.

But Thi and I have a great sex life anyway. There are so many other things, besides playing spanking games, that a man and wife can do together in bed. And I can satisfy my penchant for spanking the same way that I did before I married Thi. I can read my erotic books, I can fantasize and I can view spanking porn (not hard-core porn) on the Internet (there sure is a *lot* of spanking porn on the Internet, just google on the word "spanking").

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Henrik,

Similar marriage arrangement here too. I met my wife in the Philippines ten years ago. We went through the immigration process and have been living relatively happily in the US since.

The predominent religion in the PI is Catholicism--about 70% of the population is Catholic. My wife seems to be Catholic only in name--she doesn't go to church regularly. The only time we go is for Pasko sa Nayon at Christmas, because all her Filipino friends attend.

When I was courting her, I raised issues about religion and said some risky things, but she hung in there and largely was in agreement. She doesn't like religion, as it is practiced widespread. She recognizes that religion is often a linchpin for fanaticism, as she witnessed a lot in her own country in the Mindenao region, which is mostly Muslim.

On the deeper levels, Mary Ann and I are on the same page--we share the same aesthetics, values and politics. The one area we haven't hashed out is God.

I get along with her because her values are remeniscent of American values in the 1950s--work ethic, conservative, sensible. She's smart, technically-astute, and a very good driver with a keen ability to spot potential danger way ahead.

She represents stability and is usually right when we have disagreements. There are those moments, and she hates beards, so I get picked on a lot because I grow them in the winter out of necessity to keep warm--while enduring her playful tugging on it until I scream in pain in the middle of a sound sleep. But that's her way.

We have a lovely daughter who frequently catches the eye of other moms and talent scouts and she is the look of a model, even at the tender age of five. Hates Cabbage Patch dolls, but loves dinosaurs, most any reptiles in fact, and sharks and loves to draw them on the computer.

I'm very accomodating, and wanted her folks to come here from the Philippines and stay with us. They immigrated last May and have been living with us. They are non-confrontational and we get along fine. Mary Ann seems happy, with her parents here now, so it's one big happy family.

Before I married her, I contacted a longtime friend who was Objectivist, and talked man to man for an hour about this conflict of 'should I marry a Catholic". He told me his wife was indeed a Catholic herself and that they still have value in their relationship because other values eclipse religion.

I think you have to decide what makes you happy. Ayn Rand smoked cigarettes. Even when she became aware that they were not good for health reasons, she recognized that the pleasure was worth the risk. She did eventually quit, but I recall it was only a few years before she died. But the point is, sometimes you make a value judgement. Do I stay single until I'm 85, or do I get married and have a little joy with what's left of an otherwise lonely and miserable life?

You and only you can evaluate your personal circumstances. Strike a balance between Reason and realistic options and decide accordingly. Enjoy your life. You never know when it comes to an end!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Henrik,

Similar marriage arrangement here too. I met my wife in the Philippines ten years ago. We went through the immigration process and have been living relatively happily in the US since.

What an interesting coincidence! The only two women whom I have had love affairs with, before I met Thi, were both Filipinos! They were both immigrants from the Philippines whom I met here in Sweden. But for different reasons, neither my relationship with Teresita nor with Marie worked out. I was engaged to be married to Teresita, but she turned out to be a gold-digger who slept with me, and promised to marry me, merely because she wanted to fool me out of my money. And she succeeded.

But after Teresita I just went on with my life, and now I am happily married to Thi, who comes from Vietnam. I wonder why I have only had love affairs with Asian women? It must be just a concidence, because I am not prejudiced against Caucasians or blacks or any other race. And why are so many Asian women beautiful (actually neither Teresita nor Marie were very beautiful)?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1) Thi definitely has a reality focus. In fact the only friction that has occurred between us so far is that Thi gets very angry with me when I am not "practical", for example when it slips my mind to do some chore, or run some errand that she asked me to. It sometimes irritates me that Thi gets so angry at me for errors that I regard as "small". I feel that she is overreacting, and not being reasonably tolerant of my weaknesses (such as that I sometimes am absent-minded, perhaps as a consequence of the bout with schizophrenia that I had when I was a teenager).

Always communicate, negotiate, and accomodate each other when it comes to differences of personal values. These are optional values, but they are of great personal importance. That's why Thi gets "very angry" and why it "irritates" you.

Most of the great marriages I have known, including my own, had partners who shared fundamental values, but differed tremendously on optional values. The big spender married the penny pincher, the easy-going slob married the neatnik, etc. These are not issues of right and wrong, but simply differences, so compromises are both possible and necessary. It is one of the most basic ways partners show their love and concern for each other.

2) We certainly try to communicate. A problem is that I cannot understand a word of Vietnamese, so Thi and I have to communicate either in English or Swedish. But Thi´s pronunciation is atrocious (of course that´s not her fault), so I keep misunderstanding her, and she gets frustrated and angry when I co not understand what she is saying, despite the fact that she is trying so hard to make herself understood.

Try humor. This difficult situation has the makings of a great running joke that can be the source of entertainment for both of you. Stories about particular hilarious misunderstandings can become part of your evolving family folklore long after you both improve your language skills with each other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have recently married a woman who is not, as I am, an Objectivist. I consider myself to be a "died-in-the-wool", "fanatical" (well, maybe that is an exageration, Objectivists are not ever *fanatical*. I suppose, since that term implies, I think, believing in ideas on emotional grounds) Objectivist. I have been studying, and attempting to live by, Objectivism for 30 years. I take Objectivism seriously.

But my wife, Thi, whom I married just a little over a month ago, is not an Objectivist. She is not interested in intellectual matters at all. Her philosophy is, apparently, a mixture of Christianity and Buddhism (Thi was born a Buddhist, in Vietnam, and she converted to Christianity as an adult). However, she has a secular outlook on life. She is not otherworldly. Which of course is good.

I wonder if any other Objectivists here have any experience of being married to a non-Objectivist? I have never been married before at all, so I suppose that I need all the advice that I can get, in regard to marriage generally, in addition to the specific question of how to get along with a non-Objectivist spouse.

It is not that I have experienced any problems being married to a non-Objectivist. Thi and I get along very well. And Thi does not object to my views, as far as she knows about them (Thi and I have not had time to talk much about ideas yet, and she does not seem to be interested in ideas anyway). But I wonder if any of you think that problems might develop if Thi continues not to be interested in ideas?

You may be wondering why I married a non-Objectivist in the first place. Well, Thi is a good person. She is kind, considerate, affectionate and, importantly she is a moral person. She is honest, productive, rational etc. Also, I am 55, and when I met Thi some 5 months ago, I was rather desperate to find a wife, before I became too old. I did not think that it would be a realistic policy to "hold out" for an Objectivist woman. There are very few Objectivists here in Sweden.

At any rate, I am optimistic about my marriage. Thi loves me, and I feel happy when I am with her. And I have given Thi copies of the Swedish translations of Anthem and The Fountainhead, and she has promised to read these two books. So maybe one day I will be able to make an Objectivist of her (not by pressure of course)!

Please give me any advice you may have as to how I can make my marriage to Thi a success!

I have been married to my non-Objectivist husband for 47 years, and we married several years before I read Ayn Rand. My husband John is a really sweet man, generally rational, with little religiousity, and shares many values in common with me. He is not an intellectual, has never read Rand's books, but has strongly supported my need to find my own way, and encouraged me in my career as a psychologist when my family tried to discourage it. He tolerates my idiosyncrasies and accepts my fascination with ideas and All Things Objectivist. I think the most important points in a marriage include shared values, and a sense of partnership. If you have common values, and this partnership, the romance can thrive. BTW, it took me at least 20 years to figure out I had actually married the right guy--.

Best wishes for a happy marriage!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have been married to my non-Objectivist husband for 47 years, and we married several years before I read Ayn Rand. My husband John is a really sweet man, generally rational, with little religiousity, and shares many values in common with me. He is not an intellectual, has never read Rand's books, but has strongly supported my need to find my own way, and encouraged me in my career as a psychologist when my family tried to discourage it. He tolerates my idiosyncrasies and accepts my fascination with ideas and All Things Objectivist. I think the most important points in a marriage include shared values, and a sense of partnership. If you have common values, and this partnership, the romance can thrive. BTW, it took me at least 20 years to figure out I had actually married the right guy--.

Best wishes for a happy marriage!!

This is off topic - but since you are a psychologist I would like to ask you if you have read my post "The Causes of My Schizophrenia"? There I present an hypothesis that bad philosophic ideas can, in extreme cases, cause psychoses. I believe that the psychosis that I suffered from myself, when I was a teenager, was caused primarily by the bad philosophical ideas that I was taught by my parents and schoolteachers.

I intend to expand the essay into än entire book, which I will attempt to get published. I want to influence the mental health profession, and call their attention to the role of fundamental ideas in forming men´s psychologies. I would appreciate it if you would read the essay and give me feedback, that might help me write my book. Since you are a psychologist.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This is off topic - but since you are a psychologist I would like to ask you if you have read my post "The Causes of My Schizophrenia"? There I present an hypothesis that bad philosophic ideas can, in extreme cases, cause psychoses. I believe that the psychosis that I suffered from myself, when I was a teenager, was caused primarily by the bad philosophical ideas that I was taught by my parents and schoolteachers.

I intend to expand the essay into än entire book, which I will attempt to get published. I want to influence the mental health profession, and call their attention to the role of fundamental ideas in forming men´s psychologies. I would appreciate it if you would read the essay and give me feedback, that might help me write my book. Since you are a psychologist.

The essay "The Causes of My Schizophrenia" is, of course, posted in the Psychology section.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Try humor. This difficult situation has the makings of a great running joke that can be the source of entertainment for both of you. Stories about particular hilarious misunderstandings can become part of your evolving family folklore long after you both improve your language skills with each other.

Thi has told me about a saying that they have, about the subject of misunderstandings in Vietnam. The saying goes - "I say chicken, you hear duck!". That is logical.

I will always remember that hilarious misunderstanding, when Thi said that she was going to church on Sunday, and I asked her if she was going to eat chicken on Sunday!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Henrik,

A friend of mine is Vietnamese but she is just a little younger than me. I mentioned this line from your post to her since I found it odd that it contradicted what she has always told me about Vietnam. - "In Vietnam, it is namely the case that they do not approve of Vietnamese women marrying foreigners." but she told me that was the case for the older generation. The generation of 50 or younger, are fine with it and think it is good, because they see mixed babies as very beautiful.

So if she did visit Vietnam, she might still see some sigma from some of the old people there, but she won't get any negative comments from the majority of the population.

With that said, I would still not recommend going back there; to put it bluntly, it is a dirty, muddy place with very little of value there besides some of its natural scenery.

On the surface, my friend appeared to be similar to your wife when I questioned her about ideas, or asked my trademark favourite question "What are you thinking?" and she would answer "Nothing" or other like answers. At first as a result, I thought she was shallow.

But after getting to know her, she opened up to me a lot more and I discovered that she thought a great deal about many things and I could have very interesting conversations with her.

No police can control what goes on in a persons mind, a communist nation can't stop people from thinking their own thoughts about the regime or their own views about politics. But what it does successfully do with its security police apparatus, is discourage the communication of ideas. If someone has strong views, it is safer to keep it to themselves, act as if you don't think at all(no risk of saying the wrong thing that is arbitrarily decreed as wrong that day in the state) and act only to protect themselves from the state, because telling anyone risks the government finding out and punishing you.

Anyway, I wish you and Thi a very happy life together!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Read Proverbs 30:10.

It starts off:

A woman of valor, who can find her?

Here value is beyond the price of precious stones

.......

I married a W.O.V. I even had a sweat shirt made for her. On the front is "Woman of Valor". On the rear it is the Hebrew version: Eshet Hayil, mee yimtzah?

W.O.V. and I have been together 53 years. I think I will keep her.

What is more important is that she will keep me.

Bob Kolker

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What an interesting coincidence! The only two women whom I have had love affairs with, before I met Thi, were both Filipinos! They were both immigrants from the Philippines whom I met here in Sweden. But for different reasons, neither my relationship with Teresita nor with Marie worked out. I was engaged to be married to Teresita, but she turned out to be a gold-digger who slept with me, and promised to marry me, merely because she wanted to fool me out of my money. And she succeeded.

But after Teresita I just went on with my life, and now I am happily married to Thi, who comes from Vietnam. I wonder why I have only had love affairs with Asian women? It must be just a concidence, because I am not prejudiced against Caucasians or blacks or any other race. And why are so many Asian women beautiful (actually neither Teresita nor Marie were very beautiful)?

Prior to meeting my wife in the Philippines, I had a long-term pen pal relationship (over 15 years) with a Japanese lady from Osaka. The thing was, I never looked at it as more than a pen friend relationship and I had no chemistry with that person, though she was very pleasant. The other factor working in my subconcious was an awareness that Japanese tend to expect a higher standard of living.

My wife, coming from a poor country, was willing to accept my generally below-poverty living conditions. And she had a lot more common interests. Granted, I was biased in favor of Japanese culture, which I like very much, but the "right" companion often breaks the rule and transcends cultural boundaries.

Yes, Asian women are beautiful, and through the Korean dramas that Mary Ann likes to watch, I see that there are many beautiful women in South Korea as well. But I've seen many beautiful French, Islandic and even Russian woman. The thing is, all of my attraction to women I've worked with in America was never, ever mutual. American women find me repulsive. Ironically, now that I'm a bald, old man, I get more response from women in general than I got fifty years ago when I was in my "prime" and had hair, but was "dorky" looking. Even Mary Ann admits to seeing some of my photos from when I was around 30, that she would not have married me if I looked like that today. Go figure.. I guess you could say I was born so ugly that even aging was an improvement!

The thing that matters is if you have harmony in the household, and you're both on the same page in regard to the major issues, that's what matters most. I feel blessed because my wife is interested in many of the same things as I. If I see some new piece of video gear that I need for my business, she's usually the one to suggest we buy it. Everything is not perfect--I wish she'd take more of an active role in the business to help marketing-wise, but at least she does not fight against me every step of the way, as some wives do with equipment purchases. And I wish I were 30-40 years younger, so I could enjoy our relationship to the fullest. Not complaining though! Finding love late in life is better than dying alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, Asian women are beautiful, and through the Korean dramas that Mary Ann likes to watch, I see that there are many beautiful women in South Korea as well. But I've seen many beautiful French, Islandic and even Russian woman.

Maybe it´s just that Asia is not so wealthy yet, so not as many Asian women have the opportunity to overeat and get fat. There are certainly a lot of overweight men and women in Western Europe and North America.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Try humor. This difficult situation has the makings of a great running joke that can be the source of entertainment for both of you. Stories about particular hilarious misunderstandings can become part of your evolving family folklore long after you both improve your language skills with each other.

Thi and I both have a lot of humor, and it is very "earthy". When Thi gets angry at me, and scolds me, I often tell her jokingly - "Maybe you need a spanking!" and I give her a love pat on her posterior. She then typically threatens (not seriously of course) that she will cut off my penis with a pair of scissors if I try!

But she cannot do that. She wants to have a baby with me, so she would be acting against her own interests if she carried out that threat!

Imagine that it is so difficult to find a woman who becomes glad, instead of angry, when her partner wants to spank her!

But facetiousness aside, I totally agree with the principle that spanking has to be consensual, otherwise it is abuse. So please do not thing that I am a potential wife-beater. I am just a spankophile. I have never laid a finger on Thi.

Incidentally, I think that a woman´s bottom is the sexiest part of her body. I like to refer to my wife´s posterior as "The Crown of Creation". I love to gaze at it when she lies naked on her belly on our bed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, Asian women are beautiful, and through the Korean dramas that Mary Ann likes to watch, I see that there are many beautiful women in South Korea as well. But I've seen many beautiful French, Islandic and even Russian woman.

Maybe it´s just that Asia is not so wealthy yet, so not as many Asian women have the opportunity to overeat and get fat. There are certainly a lot of overweight men and women in Western Europe and North America.

Japan is pretty wealthy, yet the philosophy there is to take care of the body and the diet is still relatively traditional. Japan has some of the most beautiful women anywhere. Just look at Chiaki Kuriyama. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites