Cabbie

Why do women get married?

9 posts in this topic

Fairly open ended question.

Ever since I have realized that my girlfriend and I actually have a future, I have secretly become a jealous guy. What happens when my charm and full head of hair run out? I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what keeps a wife with a husband (loyalty is a given), because I think that promise is sacred.

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Fairly open ended question.

Ever since I have realized that my girlfriend and I actually have a future, I have secretly become a jealous guy. What happens when my charm and full head of hair run out? I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what keeps a wife with a husband (loyalty is a given), because I think that promise is sacred.

My lady and I have been married for 53 years. I am not as beautiful and slender as I once was. Here is how you manage it: Become the best of friends and effectively joined at the hip.

There! Wasn't that simple?

Bob Kolker

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Married since 1986... Work at it.

The full head of hair thinned drastically by the time I was 30 and in 2000 it all came off. I am still charming though, and that is a result of my first point. :P

It's not all roses and sunshine but anything worth valuing is worth working for.

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I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what keeps a wife with a husband ...

Sexual attraction.

But don't worry about looks. A good woman is turned on by a man's character.

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I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what keeps a wife with a husband ...

Sexual attraction.

But don't worry about looks. A good woman is turned on by a man's character.

Before I married Thi, I asked her - "Why do you want to marry me, Thi? Is it because you think that I am sexy?" Thi shook her head vigorously and exclaimed - "No! No!". I was a bit dissappointed, even though my question was intended to be humorous. So I asked her again - "Well, if it is not because you think that I am sexy, the why *do* you want to marry me?" Thi answered - "Because you seem to be an honest person." That answer made me happy. I am not very handsome, so I suppose it is true that a woman is turned on by a man´s character.

I am turned on both by Thi´s beauty and her character. She told me once that in Vietnam, women who marry foreigners are looked down upon. So I asked her why she wanted to marry me, who is Swedish. Thi answered that in Vietnam it is common that men beat their women, and since the culture is conservative, it is generally expected of wives that they put up with being beaten by their husbands. Thi told me that she did not want a marriage in which her husband beat her, and therefore she preferred to marry a foreigner, instead of a Vietnamese man. My respect for Thi increased a lot, when I got this piece of evidence that she has courage, and that she is, at least to a large degree, a first-hander.

Thi and I are still happily married. After more than 2 months our marriage still has not failed! Impressive, isn´t it?

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Fairly open ended question.

Ever since I have realized that my girlfriend and I actually have a future, I have secretly become a jealous guy. What happens when my charm and full head of hair run out? I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what keeps a wife with a husband (loyalty is a given), because I think that promise is sacred.

The following assumes you have the prerequisites: mutual interests, values, sense of life etc.

I can see the full head of hair running out (mine did long ago) but why the charm? As far as the hair goes, her boobs will droop; all in all it will be a mutual process we call aging.

I think avoiding complacency is a big factor. Never take her for granted, as if she is no longer a value to gain and keep. I know a lot of divorced men in my line of work - bartending. It is always the same story. It came out of the blue. I thought we were happy. She just up and left one day. Well, they were spending their time with me - that was the problem! It doesn't have to be something as mundane as hanging out at a bar. You could be complacent and be more interested in watching an episode of Mork & Mindy that you've seen ten time rather than tuning into her as she is talking. Unless she's the kind that prattles on and on about stuff no one cares about, or nags endlessly. But then you'd have a different problem altogether.

Sexual attraction is also very important, as Betsy noted. I think it also important, particularly for the man, to, putting it softly, master the bedroom, and her. If you are one of those guys that just sticks it in and hurries to your own finish line, you will have problems. Unless sexual gratification isn't important to her, but then you'd have a different problem altogether.

Those two paragraphs, if you noticed, are the same point.

I've never really researched it, but I'd be willing to bet the guy that doesn't pay attention to his wife is also the guy that isn't interested in satisfying her either.

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what keeps a wife with a husband

I think a more purposeful way to phrase this question is, "what does a wife have to gain from being married to her husband?" or "how does marriage improve a woman's life?". Several other posts have given some good response but I am curious how you would answer.

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... What happens when my charm and full head of hair run out? I have gotten to the point where its getting really hard to imagine living without her and want to know what ...

Zeroeth Rule of Marriage: It is different for everyone because individuals are different.

Corollary: A lot of it is the same because individuals are people.

Line from a woman stand-up comic, cleaned up for the board:

Question: Why do so many women marry jerks?

Answer: Because most men only date trollops.

This is my second marriage, 32 years this week. My first wife and I dated for three years, were married for five, had no kids and went our ways, and remained friends. My current wife and I have both worked for my ex, sort like something out of Atlas Shrugged, which all of us have read, though my first is still into it in many ways that my current wife considers overboard. (I just sent my ex a present: a "good luck" piece from the Chicago Century of Progress 1934, made of aluminum and in the names of ALCOA, Pullman and Union Pacific with an art deco engine.)

So, while my wife is not technically an Objectivist, we do share basic values, not so much about politics or the specifics of ideology, but deeper than that about independence, respect for ourselves and fulfillment through work. Achievement and competency are important to both of us and I am constantly and continuously impressed by her workmanship. Each of us finds the other creative.

We both do many things. Laurel has edited over a 100 books for Bantam-Doubleday and probably 20 or 30 more for other publishers. I write. I have published over 100 newspaper and magazine articles. Sometimes she checks my work. We both worked in computering and we have had a business name since the first year were married. (Different names for different phases.) Now, we both work in security. Laurel is in computer assurance. I am a criminologist. So, there is that. We have had classes together and we compete. She beat me in Evidence & Procedure but for Terrorism, I got an A+ on my final paper. When I worked in campus safety, I would get to her classroom before it opened and put our initials in a heart in a corner of the blackboard.

Now that we are older, we don't push the button for Global Thermonuclear War (calling for divorce) as often, but, we both value our living space and for the past 20 years, as soon as we could afford it, we always bought or rented more home than we needed. With three bedrooms, two are offices. Right now, she's in hers; I'm in mine. It's almost time for bed. We are working our way through NUMB3RS dvds from the library.

Our daughter is 30 and living on her own since she was 20.

I still have most of my hair. I complain that it is thin, but no one offers me any sympathy.

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