MRZ

Quotes

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"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

- -- George Bernard Shaw

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"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

- -- George Bernard Shaw

Speaking of blaming one's circumstances:

This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune,--often the surfeit of our own behaviour,--we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars: as if we were villains on necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, theives, and treachers, by spherical predominace; drunkards, liars, and adulterers, by an enforced obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on: An admirable evasion of whoremaster man, to lay his goatish disposition to the charge of a star!

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Resurrecting this thread:

"Before you can think outside the box, you have to start with a box." -Twyla Tharp

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Resurrecting this thread:

"Before you can think outside the box, you have to start with a box." -Twyla Tharp

Ah, but to have a box or to not have a box, that is the question. Or, before you can have a box, you've got to think.---B.F.

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"This mus be plainly avowed: no judgment can be rightly formed either of my method or of the discoveries to which it leads, by means of anticipations (that is to say, of the reasoning which is now in use); since I cannot be called on to abide by the sentence of a tribunal which is itself on trial."

".... For the holders of that doctrine assert simply that nothing can be known. I also assert that not much can be known in nature by the way which is now in use. But then they go on to destroy the authority of the senses and understanding; whereas I proceed to devise and supply helps for the same."

Francis Bacon, The New Organon

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"No matter how disastrously some policy has turned out, anyone who criticizes it can expect to hear: 'But what would you replace it with?' When you put out a fire, what do you replace it with?" - Thomas Sowell

"A fact never went into partnership with a miracle. Truth scorns the assistance of wonders. A fact will fit every other fact in the universe, and that is how you can tell whether it is or is not a fact. A lie will not fit anything except another lie." - Robert G. Ingersoll

"But grant me from time to time — if there are divine goddesses in the realm beyond good and evil — grant me the sight, but one glance of something perfect, wholly achieved, happy, mighty, triumphant....! Of a man who justifies man...for the sake of which one may still believe in man!" - Nietzsche

"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear." - Thomas Jefferson

"God grant that not only the love of liberty but a thorough knowledge of the rights of man may pervade all the nations of the earth, so that a philosopher may set his foot anywhere on its surface and say: 'This is my country.'" - Benjamin Franklin

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I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam. --- Popeye

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I just found this quote on Amazon.com, by Michael Crichton, responding to a standard set of questions they ask authors:

Q: If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say?

A: I don't want an epitaph. If forced, I would say "Why Are You Here? Go Live Your Life."

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WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about" -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral , but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.² -- Oscar Wilde

"I enclose two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."

-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."-- Winston Churchill, in response.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -- Billy Wilder

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -- Jack E. Leonard

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -- Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

-- Charles Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

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WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

Those are great! I love wit, especially when it's this good. Where'd you find these?

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WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS
One of my favorite insults, to apply to windbags: Generally speaking, he's generally speaking.

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Those are great! I love wit, especially when it's this good. Where'd you find these?

Glad you liked them. They came in a retired airline pilots newsletter.

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I am going to be a storm - a flame -

I need to fight whole armies all alone;

I have ten hearts; I have a hundred arms; I feel

Too strong to war with mortal -

(He shouts at the top of his voice.)

BRING ME GIANTS!

A power over a man’s subsistence amounts to a power over his will.

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Aragorn "You have some skill with a blade."

Eowyn "The women of this country learned long ago, those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain."

Aragorn "What do you fear, my lady?"

Eowyn "A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."

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"There is no mortal creature either better or stronger than man. Do you not see that all the rest go bent downwards and look forever toward the earth and accomplish nothing save what is connected with their nourishment and the propagation of their species (for to these pursuits they have been condemned even by Nature herself), while we alone gaze upwards and associate with heaven itself, despising the things on the earth and dwelling with the very gods, whom we believe to be similar to ourselves inasmuch as we are both their offspring and creation, not earthly, but heavenly. And for this reason we both paint and fashion those very beings according to our own forms; for, if I may speak somewhat boldly, man is naught else than a god with mortal body, and a god naught else than a man without body and consequently immortal.That is why we surpass all other creatures. And there is no creature afoot which we do not enslave, overtaking it by speed or subduing it by force or catching it by some artifice, nor yet any that lives in the water or travels through the air; nay, even of these two classes, we pull the former up from the depths without seeing them and drag the latter down from the sky without going to them."

-From Cassius Dio

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"strophe 1

Wonders are many, and none is more wonderful than man; the power that crosses the white sea, driven by the stormy south-wind, making a path under surges that threaten to engulf him; and Earth, the eldest of the gods, the immortal, the unwearied, doth he wear, turning the soil with the offspring of horses, as the ploughs go to and fro from year to year.

antistrophe 1

And the light-hearted race of birds, and the tribes of savage beasts, and the sea-brood of the deep, he snares in the meshes of his woven toils, he leads captive, man excellent in wit. And he masters by his arts the beast whose lair is in the wilds, who roams the hills; he tames the horse of shaggy mane, he puts the yoke upon its neck, he tames the tireless mountain bull.

strophe 2

And speech, and wind-swift thought, and all the moods that mould a state, hath he taught himself; and how to flee the arrows of the frost, when ‘tis hard lodging under the clear sky, and the arrows of the rushing rain; yea, he hath resource for all; without resource he meets nothing that must come: only against Death shall he call for aid in vain; but from baffling maladies he hath devised escapes."

Sophocles, Antigone, R.C. Jebb trans.

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"Failure, he would often say, is nothing but the opportunity to try again, a little more intelligently."----Pierre Audemars' detective, M. Pinaud, in The Fire And The Clay.

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"Emathian plains with slaughter covered o'er,

And rage unknown to civil wars before,

Established violence and lawless might,

Avowed and hallowed by the name of right,

A race renowned, the world's victorious lords,

Turned on themselves with their own hostile swords,

Piles against piles opposed in impious fight,

And eagles against eagles bending flight,

Of blood by friends, by kindred, parents, spilt,

One common horror and promiscuous guilt,

A shattered world in wild disorder tossed,

Leagues, laws, and empire in confusion lost,

Of all the woes which civil discords bring,

And Rome o'ercome by Roman arms, I sing."\

-Lucan The Civil War (1:1-14)

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This is a notable observation -- never mind the source.

Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe. -- Lex Luthor

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Hollywood Squares [Canada]

If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this

will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are

from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not

scripted and often dull as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long

enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high

should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a

man or a woman?

A Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you

think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's

married.

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love

You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a

twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next

apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with

your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,

and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you

going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing

strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at

nudist camps.

One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the

closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the

bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will

a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth

to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the

dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting

into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo!

Poo! Poo!"

What does this mean?

A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is

it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't

neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on

his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or

your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in

them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never

do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

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