Brianna

What do men want?

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An article by Dennis Prager at National Review. His answer?

"in order to gain a woman’s love a man must make — and keep — himself admirable."

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/255...s-prager?page=1

His next article is apparently going to be on what women want in a man. He isn't saying what it is yet, but here's his hint:

"If we begin with the assumption that men and women are made to bond with one another, what she most wants must be in some way related to what he most wants."

Enjoy :blink:

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An article by Dennis Prager at National Review. His answer?

"in order to gain a woman’s love a man must make — and keep — himself admirable."

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/255...s-prager?page=1

He needs to be a hero.

His next article is apparently going to be on what women want in a man. He isn't saying what it is yet, but here's his hint:

"If we begin with the assumption that men and women are made to bond with one another, what she most wants must be in some way related to what he most wants."

She wants a hero she can worship.

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I hope I don't offend. From what I've seen, what a woman wants is more variable than what a man wants. Most of the women I know seem to often change their minds on what they want, or perhaps they just want variety.

I've also known many women who choose to spend time with a man, only to whine about the poor treatment they get from him - "He's a terrible jerk, but I love him."

"It is probably fair to say that a lot of women also don’t know the answer." Amen.

It's clear to me that most women need some excitement once in a while; a wild tryst, getaway to a mountain cabin, unexpected shopping spree. Men aren't like that. If we like what we get, we'll just keep trucking along thinking, "Why change it?"

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I don't think he'll put it in quite those terms Betsy. But I was interested to see the article because of the fact that it was a bit of independent verification of one of Rand's more controversial opinions :-)

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I hope I don't offend. From what I've seen, what a woman wants is more variable than what a man wants. Most of the women I know seem to often change their minds on what they want, or perhaps they just want variety.

I think I can explain this.

What do women typically say they want in a man? He's got to be funny, exciting, smart, handsome, be nice and treat her well... and so on. Something like that anyway, of course not all women answer the same.

What do men typically say the want in a woman? She's got to be pretty and, uh... boobs? Ok, that's a bit unfair but I like to simplify it to make a point.

Aks a man if that's all he wants and the answer is probably no. Implicit in that first answer lies some sort of idea about the ideal woman(and the better that idea is, the better and more thorough the first answer will be).

The same thing applies to women, and perhaps even more so. Ask a woman what she wants and she's likely thinking of her ideal man, her hero, and then on top of that she adds those characteristics that you'll get in her answer.

That's why such statements may seem confusing and contrary to her actions. Those characteristics may change or be "negotiated" when or if she meets her hero, because that - being her hero - is the most fundamental thing.

I've also known many women who choose to spend time with a man, only to whine about the poor treatment they get from him - "He's a terrible jerk, but I love him."

One of the things that commonly gets "negotiated" is the part about treating her well. It's a sad thing where good guys are taught to be wussy "nice guys", and women tend to much rather put up with jerks than to have that. Well, that's atleast until self-respecting women learn that dating jerks will eventually get them burned. Such women can search a long time before they find a good guy who's neither a jerk nor a "nice guy".

Another explanation is that women test men. Some do it better than others. It's not uncommon that she will act immature and he answers in kind(or they both act immature), then she complains to her friends what a jerk he is. At the same time he will get her respect for standing his ground.

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An article by Dennis Prager at National Review. His answer?

"in order to gain a woman’s love a man must make — and keep — himself admirable."

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/255...s-prager?page=1

He needs to be a hero.

His next article is apparently going to be on what women want in a man. He isn't saying what it is yet, but here's his hint:

"If we begin with the assumption that men and women are made to bond with one another, what she most wants must be in some way related to what he most wants."

She wants a hero she can worship.

Absolutely.

Back when I joined the Forum, I read through a lot of threads, as it was my first exposure to other people who appreciated and understood Ayn Rand's work (much more than I did and do), and thus full of wisdom about life and how to live it rationally.

Betsy, I remember reading a thread where you worded it exactly like this. It was so simple and elegant, and so incredibly true. I hadn't made the connection from reading Atlas, and this helped me build much more successful relationships thereafter.

As for the whole "jerk" thing, people who are very confident and successful (or that have the potential to be) are often described as "jerks" by Wesley Mouches. Rearden was, to Mouch, a "jerk". And he got the girl. I still remember a tramp who approached me in Borough Market in London, who after being refused money shouted loudly at me for about a minute "you should be ashamed of yourself! you *****".

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I think the modern assault on masculinity has confused the issue of what women want. I think that in a way, it's easier for a man to know, but not necessarily to find what he wants. There are increasing numbers of Swedish men who find Asian wives for themselves, and who state the reason as their being more feminine.

I find many girls/women my age vulgar (both in language and behavior) and lacking a certain "softness" that I expect in a woman. Hard to mention that to anyone here without being accused of looking for a mail order maid/whore. Sweden is the world capital of egalitarianism and the effects are visible in many arenas of life.

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As for the whole "jerk" thing, people who are very confident and successful (or that have the potential to be) are often described as "jerks" by Wesley Mouches. Rearden was, to Mouch, a "jerk". And he got the girl. I still remember a tramp who approached me in Borough Market in London, who after being refused money shouted loudly at me for about a minute "you should be ashamed of yourself! you *****".
I think people often make a mistake here regarding "jerks". Readen was a strong man. That's different. When reading Atlas Shrugged I found that I could really relate to his character. I was moved by it, actually. In my humble opinion, one can't be a strong man and be a jerk. To be a jerk generally requires a weak charactor. What I've noticed is that guys with weak charactor often attract women. I recently had an interesting discussion about this with a friend. His take was that these men give these women attention. The implication is that any attention, or attention given under false pretences is often more appreciated than little attention - such as given by a guy like Readen, who's busy trying to create.

People often mistake kindness for weakness.

Anyway, I'm blabbing here. I liked your story about the tramp so I kept it in the quote.

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Jerks are like scam artists. They specialize in mimicking the behavior of people with values to offer. Women don't go for jerks anymore than consumers go for the scammers. But the best fakes can put on a good show, better even than many honest people.

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Absolutely. It always amuses me when a friend tells me "but you haven't emailed me in aaages" and I say "well yes, I was working".

On attention, spot on: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/20...ure-famous.html

What makes a celebrity special? She was just an ordinary person a month or a year ago, but now, suddenly, your heart goes flitter-flutter when you meet her, or you want an autograph.

One way to consider fame is that it increases the options for the person at the same time the number of demands go up. In other words, celebrity makes the celebrity's attention more valuable.

It's exciting to shake hands or get an autograph from a famous person, then, because the celebrity has something others want, you're getting a slice of attention from someone who has other options. But she didn't exercise those options--she chose you.

The only "dating advice" I ever give to people is "if you want somebody awesome, become awesome yourself". It's a market, and it's very liquid and transparent.

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An article by Dennis Prager at National Review. His answer?

"in order to gain a woman’s love a man must make — and keep — himself admirable."

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/255...s-prager?page=1

He needs to be a hero.

His next article is apparently going to be on what women want in a man. He isn't saying what it is yet, but here's his hint:

"If we begin with the assumption that men and women are made to bond with one another, what she most wants must be in some way related to what he most wants."

She wants a hero she can worship.

I think you're dead on with this.

There are women who are not capable of appreciating the man they have chosen, and those marriages are full of nasty sniping. And there are men who do not fulfill their heroic capacity, falling short of their own known potential disappointing themselves and their spouse. There are women who underestimate their abilities, underestimate the kind of man they deserve. They do not think it matters or do not put the effort into judging the men that are around them.

Any marriage must be between two equals. Anything mismatched will come out of balance quickly, and that instability will lead to unhappiness at the very least.

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When my wife Thi and I were engaged, last year, I asked her why she wanted to marry me. I asked her, joking - "Is it because you think that I am sexy?" Thi shook her head vigorously and exclaimed - "No, no!" I was a little bit disappointed to find that Thi stressed that she did not think I was "sexy" - because I wanted her at least to find me attractive. But I persisted and asked Thi again - "Well, then. *Why* do you want to marry me?" Thi answered - "Because you seem to be honest." Well, that answer pleased me.

As for me - what was I looking for in my future wife? Well, Thi is physically attractive for one thing. In fact she is gorgeous. And she possesses a lot of "Objectivist" virtues. One thing which I have learned about Thi demonstrates that she is basically selfish, and she is independent Thi told me once that in Vietnam, people look down on any woman who marries a foreigner. Such a woman is thought to have "betrayed" her culture in some way. So I asked Thi - "Well, I am not Vietnamese. I am Swedish. So why then are you going to marry me?" Thi answered by telling me that in Vietnam it is very common that men beat their wives. And the culture is such that the wives are expected to put up with it ,and stay in those marriages and be loyal to their husbands. Thi told me that she had decided that she wanted to marry a foreigner, so that she would not be beaten by her husband!

Well, if Thi married me *merely* because she did not want to be beaten, then maybe my virtues did not play all that much of a role in her decision to marry me. But her decision to defy her own culture, by marrying a foreigner in order to get something she wanted, shows me that Thi is strong, independent and basically selfish. Thi is also honest - brutally honest. She does not shy from saying things which might ver well hurt my feelings. Thi also works very hard - she works despite some major health problems. So I admire Thi - more than she admires me.

I think that I have some major virtues, but Thi does not seem to be "philosophical" enough to recognize them, and to appreciate them. For example, Thi is disappointed in my failure to possess much money (for I am almost broke) which I think is relatively superficial. And Thi is mystified by the fact that I spend so much time writing political and philosophical debate pieces for an internet debate site, when I am paid zero money for those debate pieces, even when they are published. My enthusiasm for Objectivism does not mean anything to her. She is not aware of its practical importance. Thi´s primary concern right now is that I manage to earn more money, even though we already have enough to get by.

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Men want the sexiest girl they can find. Women want the nearest alpha male. For men it's youth and prettiness. For women it's wealth and power.

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Men want the sexiest girl they can find. Women want the nearest alpha male. For men it's youth and prettiness. For women it's wealth and power.

I don't think that holds any water. What about men living happily ever after with their spouses? And what about Roark in the granite quarry, or women drooling over men at construction sites?

I think the most fundamental concepts at play here are beauty and strength. That's what causes sexual attraction. And beauty is not only youth, like strength is not only wealth or power. Also, love is not only sexual attraction - it's sexual attraction and sense of life.

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Certainly, women are attracted to men who may not be in need of attention. The few times I've been fortunate enough to be out at dinner (or elsewhere) with a couple beautiful women I find that I get approached as soon as I step away. I may leave the table to go to the restroom to be intercepted on the way by an interested woman, for example. I can't make this stuff up. I notice it because it shocks me every time. The women I'm with may be only friends, or my wife and her friend. But, a man seen with a beautiful women (or two) instantly gains attention from the fairer sex. I always found that interesting. When I've been single I couldn't buy a date. Women are more complex. For a man to have good looks, alone, is not enough to lure a woman to approach. It's as though he must have pre-proven aptitude. That certainly does not work the other way. Looks, alone, can get a woman much attention.

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Certainly, women are attracted to men who may not be in need of attention. The few times I've been fortunate enough to be out at dinner (or elsewhere) with a couple beautiful women I find that I get approached as soon as I step away. I may leave the table to go to the restroom to be intercepted on the way by an interested woman, for example. I can't make this stuff up. I notice it because it shocks me every time. The women I'm with may be only friends, or my wife and her friend. But, a man seen with a beautiful women (or two) instantly gains attention from the fairer sex. I always found that interesting. When I've been single I couldn't buy a date. Women are more complex. For a man to have good looks, alone, is not enough to lure a woman to approach. It's as though he must have pre-proven aptitude. That certainly does not work the other way. Looks, alone, can get a woman much attention.

I've noticed that when in the company of women who are good looking enough, or percieved by others as "high status" enough, reality starts to unravel. Suddenly, all other women think you're Brad Pitt and they go nuts. It's something i've never understood, and if I had not experienced it I wouldn't believe it. I must also say that I really don't like that kind of attention, it's just false and I much rather meet women based on my own merit. It's fascinating though.

As far as looks go i've come across one explanation that seems to hold true. I don't remember where I got it from, but it goes something like this: When a woman sees a good looking man she's more inclined towards being a "sexual agressor", while meeting a man of good character she's more inclined towards being "sexually receptive". Good character here is by far the most important thing.

Over the last few years i've improved my appearace a great deal, and if I were to describe the difference in one word it would be; "meh!". Sure, I get a little more attention and sometimes things run a little smoother but at the end, it doesn't matter.

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Men want the sexiest girl they can find. Women want the nearest alpha male. For men it's youth and prettiness. For women it's wealth and power.
Huh? Youth and prettiness solely determine what men want? Speak for yourself!! For the swimsuit edition, yes. As a partner, that won't even get halfway there.

Wealth from where? What kind of power? And "women want the nearest alpha male"?? Without any kind of context, this is offensive. However, you didn't portray what men want any better, so at least it's even-handed misrepresentation :blink:

Being a man who has spent time observing the women of the world, I believe I can shed some light on the topic of what men want. Men want many of the same things women want. We want competence (the more, the better!), playfulness, integrity, courage, etc. But we also want a woman who enjoys being a woman. That is, we like femininity. So things like makeup, posture, hair style, etc., are important to emphasize a woman’s feminine traits. I get a lot of enjoyment out of the differences between the sexes, and most men I know want a woman who embraces those differences, too.

For more practical details, though, there are a couple of pieces of advice to becoming much more attractive to most men: if you’re overweight, lose weight. If you smoke, stop. We’re visual (and olfactor…ial?) creatures! Also, just as with men, confidence in women is an excellent aphrodisiac :P.

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I've also known many women who choose to spend time with a man, only to whine about the poor treatment they get from him - "He's a terrible jerk, but I love him."

I've met someone like this. She stayed in a relationship with a guy who obviously wasn't respecting her, and she was well-aware of that. From the way she spoke about him, I could see she didn't think much of him. Nonetheless, the relationship lasted until he broke up with her. Then she got into another relationship- with a smart, kind, caring guy who respected her and that she admired. She broke it up about a month later, because "she couldn't feel anything for him." Afterwards, she did flirt a lot and also had a one-night-stand with her ex- the one who didn't respect her and that she still despised

I was reading Atlas Shrugged at that time- and I came across that scene when Rearden and Francisco talk about the "chasing of women". Well, Francisco says at a certain point something like "A man's sexual choices show his personal convictions; he will be attracted to the woman who reflects his own vision of himself. A man who is aware of his value will want a woman he deeply admires, while a man who is convinced of his worthlessness will choose a woman he despises" (very approximate quotation.) I think it works the other way around, too. Doesn't it?

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Men want the sexiest girl they can find. Women want the nearest alpha male. For men it's youth and prettiness. For women it's wealth and power.

Then does my wife Thi not love me? I have *zero* wealth and power! Now I am worried!

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