Red

Reconnecting with girl from the past

54 posts in this topic

Hey Red, I actually agree with Kevin on this one. While you may benefit from examining further interactions with her, don't make it a focus. I think Kevin's point is that she is obviously gorgeous, and therefore you'll likely be hung up on why she doesn't like you. Now, maybe you'll learn how to better read girls by searching a reason behind her behavior and/or your interpretation of it, but you'll likely end up wasting precious time and energy. Sometimes it's not worth it. I have come to accept that I will never understand why certain girls who seem awesome behave in certain ways (one turned out to be a lesbian, which makes SO much sense looking back :blush: ). But just as I will never understand what possessed history's villians to do what they do, I will never understand certain people or how I failed to read them. For me, it's better to let them go rather than be constantly let down or disappointed by their behavior.

Since you say you've only met a handful of women, it seems like you should make this a higher priority. Figure out how to meet women, and then how to do a good job making a first impression and getting a date or something. I am awful at it, and I need to learn how to do a better job if I ever want to date again. I let two extremely attractive and interesting girls get away while I was shopping this weekend. They both expressed an unusual level of interest in me, we had a great conversation, and then I walked away without asking for any contact information. After the first one, I told myself I needed to do better, only to let it happen again ten minutes later! If I practiced more, I'm sure I could do better. ^_^

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Hey Red, I actually agree with Kevin on this one. While you may benefit from examining further interactions with her, don't make it a focus. I think Kevin's point is that she is obviously gorgeous, and therefore you'll likely be hung up on why she doesn't like you. Now, maybe you'll learn how to better read girls by searching a reason behind her behavior and/or your interpretation of it, but you'll likely end up wasting precious time and energy. Sometimes it's not worth it. I have come to accept that I will never understand why certain girls who seem awesome behave in certain ways (one turned out to be a lesbian, which makes SO much sense looking back :blush: ). But just as I will never understand what possessed history's villians to do what they do, I will never understand certain people or how I failed to read them. For me, it's better to let them go rather than be constantly let down or disappointed by their behavior.

Yes, she's very good looking. However, i'm not a fool for a womans looks. She's alot more than just sweet and pretty. We've also spent alot of time together and been very close. I have issues with the whole notion because it ignores those things.

What if she's just a really amazing woman? There are plenty of beautiful women out there. They are nice to look at, but what sets someone apart is her spirit.

Any questions I have regarding her are stored and archived and put aside to collect dust. If opportunity presents itself I may pick them up again. I have no desire to go on about it forever. Going over the same questions over and over again when you don't have enough facts is not very constructive. A much better and constructive question is where my future sweetheart is at. I'm sure i'll find an answer to that.

Since you say you've only met a handful of women, it seems like you should make this a higher priority. Figure out how to meet women, and then how to do a good job making a first impression and getting a date or something. I am awful at it, and I need to learn how to do a better job if I ever want to date again. I let two extremely attractive and interesting girls get away while I was shopping this weekend. They both expressed an unusual level of interest in me, we had a great conversation, and then I walked away without asking for any contact information. After the first one, I told myself I needed to do better, only to let it happen again ten minutes later! If I practiced more, I'm sure I could do better. ^_^

I've met a handful of women in the short time span we're talking about here. The last couple of weeks I have even been occupied with someone who's showed some great potential. She's the kind of person who just seems genuinely good, and it seems like we can go on talking forever. We'll see how that turns out. :)

I'm actually very fortunate when it comes to meeting women. My work is an amazing place to be for that. There must be a few hundred women there, a big lunch hall where you can mingle and talk to people, and there's a steady stream of people coming from the outside. Should office-dating be an issue I can always try and hook up with people after work, and meet new people through them. The down side I suppose is that it's easy to get lazy, and that also means getting "friend-zoned".

I think the best way to meet women is by just being there. It's a bonus if you can also say "hi" and hold a simple conversation, but sooner or later someone is going to talk to you anyway. The hard part is taking it from friendly chit-chat towards dating. That's something i'll have to work alot more on.

Something that has helped me with the problem you mention, though I still have it, is to just blurt and not caring about making an impression. If you happen to say something really stupid, which is likely to happen when you blurt, make it a challenge to save face without apologizing for it. The more I do that the easier it becomes finding something to say in all kinds of situations. I also care less about the impression i'm making. Otherwise the interaction tends to go like this:

*Sweet! This woman seems really interesting, I should get her number, just don't screw this up. So, what do I say? I can't just tell her to give me her number. That just sounds weird... I don't wanna screw this up...*

"Hello? Anybody home?"

"What? Oh yes... um, you should go with the red shirt. Red looks good on you."

*Please keep talking, please keep talking... I have almost got the magic spell to unlock the gates to paradise...*

"Okay, thanks - bye!"

"Nice to meet you - bye bye!"

Would'nt it be better to just say "give me your number" in that case? Even saying something stupid like "honeybadger" would be better. I think the problem is in part trying to make an impression and caring far too much what she thinks of you, and in part having unrealistic expectations on yourself. Like you have to act really smooth and say the right things to not screw things up. In reality, that way of thinking is what's causing problems.

Getting rid of that problem is easier said than done though.

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Wouldn't it be better to just say "give me your number" in that case? Even saying something stupid like "honeybadger" would be better. I think the problem is in part trying to make an impression and caring far too much what she thinks of you, and in part having unrealistic expectations on yourself. Like you have to act really smooth and say the right things to not screw things up. In reality, that way of thinking is what's causing problems.

Let her know you value her by saying something simple and true like: "I'd like to talk to you some more. How can I contact you?"

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Wouldn't it be better to just say "give me your number" in that case? Even saying something stupid like "honeybadger" would be better. I think the problem is in part trying to make an impression and caring far too much what she thinks of you, and in part having unrealistic expectations on yourself. Like you have to act really smooth and say the right things to not screw things up. In reality, that way of thinking is what's causing problems.

Let her know you value her by saying something simple and true like: "I'd like to talk to you some more. How can I contact you?"

I like this. It's direct, shows what you want and gives her space by letting her choose the means of communication. All you need is an open line of communication, and she can choose what she's comfortable with.

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