free spirit

Difference in communication over long distance between couples.

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Is it possible for a man to still care deeply for a woman, even though he doesn't desire a lot of communication?

Context: They live across the continent and have been together for almost 6 months. She wants to communicate (text or e-mail) up to several times a day, where he would rather keep it to a few short texts a day and talk every other.

Is communication preference a valid optional or is there some objective basis to how often a couple who really care each other should communicate?

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Communication can be stimulating or it can be boring. As someone once put it: Many talk about others (people), some talk about events and a very few talk about ideas.

If the latter encounters the first, he will not be too interested in 'communication'.

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Is it possible for a man to still care deeply for a woman, even though he doesn't desire a lot of communication?

Context: They live across the continent and have been together for almost 6 months. She wants to communicate (text or e-mail) up to several times a day, where he would rather keep it to a few short texts a day and talk every other.

Is communication preference a valid optional or is there some objective basis to how often a couple who really care each other should communicate?

Absolutely. Even living with someone, there are different amounts of communication that two individuals desire. But stating that it is possible, in principle, is different than knowing what is happening with the specific individuals. There are many reasons, positive and negative, why someone does not want to communicate too much. Of major significance to me would be what is the quality (as well as how much time) of the communication when they do talk.

My wife has travelled abroad many time, sometimes staying for months. I don't know what we would say if we talked every day. Two or three times a week was plenty. Skype is a great tool.

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I'd say it's not only possible but perfectly normal. Men and women tend to have different needs for communication. Women are often more inclined towards communication for the sake of communication, while men are more focused on the content. Observe for example how men and women treat their friendships. Many women can call up their friends and talk for an hour or two about whats happened during the day. I think it's more about reinforcing the friendship and things like that rather than what's actually being said. Men don't do that. It's not uncommong that you don't hear from each other in a few weeks, until someone decides to call, then catch up in 5 minutes and agree on a time to meet for some activity.

Of course this is generalized and there are individual variations, but I think there are fundamental differences in how we communicate. Those differences may be important to keep in mind in a relationship. While you may feel doubt because of the lack of communication, he may feel distracted trying to keep up with you - because those e-mails, texts and phone calls makes him unable to focus on anything else.

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Context: They live across the continent and have been together for almost 6 months.

How can they be "together" if they live a continent apart?

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