Go 4 TLI

God-related (sort of) jokes

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Was he born of the Virign Orangutan?

You must be thinking of the Immaculate Misconception.

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I thought I might try to change the topic a bit.

I was talking to a recently made friend about gods and religions and she said one of the coolest things I have ever heard a non-Objectivist say:

A god a day keeps the reason away.

:wacko:

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Stephen----"Pardon me while I go and walk my god."

However, if you walk Him till he's tired you will not be pardoned. :blink:

I just want to see a photo-shopped image of Thor catching a frisbee in his mouth :wacko:

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Stephen----"Pardon me while I go and walk my god."

However, if you walk Him till he's tired you will not be pardoned. :wacko:

Matthew 12: 31 - "Therefore I am saying to you, Every sin and blasphemy shall be pardoned men, yet the blasphemy of the spirit shall not be pardoned."

I took my god's body for a walk, not his spirit. Therefore, I am pardoned. :blink:

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Blasphemy! The spaghetti portion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is made from semolina, farina, or wheat flour, while ramen is an egg noodle. Repent and renounce your false God!

Let us keep in mind that the all-powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster can be in various forms. Though shall never have any certainty in the form of our Highness! For only our Holiness knows his own form.

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ROME, Italy [AP] The Catholic world was rocked today when the Pope announced that a new Testament was granted sufficient status to be included as part of the Holy Bible.

“It’s true,” said the Pope’s spokesman. “The Letters of Saint Spike the Orange to the Corinthians has shed new light on the origins and nature of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

He explained that the concept of the Holy Trinity needs to be revised. The traditional Father, Son, and Holy Spirit now incorporates a fourth aspect: the Orangutan.

“Church doctrine will now incorporate appropriate praise to His Most High Orangeness, blessed be his name. The term “Holy Trinity” will be replaced with a more appropriate name for God’s almighty four-way nature. Discussion continues at this point, though a poll of cardinals favors “Holy Square.””

A surprising change is the addition of a new commandment involving bananas, but translators disagree on the exact details.

Elsewhere, Dan Brown, author of the controversial Da Vinci Code, issued a statement declaring that this, too, is part of the Gnostic cover-up.

“There really was a fourth element,” he writes, “but parties within the Vatican want to suppress the truth: it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

More details to follow as the story unfolds…

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More details to follow as the story unfolds…

Oh the suspense! Our Almighty One has full of surprises!

Blessed thee! Blessed thee!

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"By hole-y square, and by square-y hole, Contradiction will save thy soul;

By square-y hole, and by hole-y square, thou art, and thou art not, here, and there. Praise no more the One in Three, for Nought _IS_ Four----that's plain to see. Ed from OC has it right; must be a prophet---all right!

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This Orangutan business is pure nonsense...

To my fellow Pastafarians: stay strong!

In light of my recent discovery of this Flash pamphlet., I have converted to Pastafarianism, and urge all of you to do the same.

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In light of my recent discovery of this Flash pamphlet., I have converted to Pastafarianism, and urge all of you to do the same.

It's a really compelling argument. Can I time-share between religions, so I have deep, heartfelt, and meaningful beliefs toward the FSM and toward the Mighty Orange One on alternating days?

I mean, how can one argue with a heaven that consists of beer-spouting volcanoes and stripper factories? :) LOL!

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It's a really compelling argument.  Can I time-share between religions, so I have deep, heartfelt, and meaningful beliefs toward the FSM and toward the Mighty Orange One on alternating days?

No. That won't be possible. Perhaps you missed FSM's edit that you must wear a pirate hat and eye patch every day.

I mean, how can one argue with a heaven that consists of beer-spouting volcanoes and stripper factories? :)  LOL!

My point exactly. It truly is heaven. I mean, come on... there's a graph. That proves the scientific value of Pastafarianism.

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No. That won't be possible. Perhaps you missed FSM's edit that you must wear a pirate hat and eye patch every day.

What, an ape can't dress like a pirate?
My point exactly. It truly is heaven. I mean, come on... there's a graph. That proves the scientific value of Pastafarianism.
Orangutans can't read graphs!

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What, an ape can't dress like a pirate?

Sure he can, but then he'd be practicing Pastafarianism.

Orangutans can't read graphs!

Duh. Thus, their unscientificity.

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http://littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/?entry=16158#c0102

MUSLIMS OUTRAGED BY KORAN INCIDENT

Springfield (AP)- 29 Muslims were rushed to a local hospital yesterday, where they were treated for hurt feelings. The incident began when a copy of the Koran was inadvertently shelved between "The Cat in the Hat" and "Green Eggs and Ham."

"Sacrilege" screamed Mamie al-Fusin, before losing consciousness on a hospital gurney. Her son explained that placement of the Koran next to the word "ham" was too much for her.

Ahmed bin-Loosin another deeply offended Muslim fiddled with two wires protruding from his pants. "Islam will dominate the world!" he declared, brushing the two wire tips together. "Allahu Ahkbar!" he yelled , as a thin wisp of gray smoke drifted from his crotch.

Dr. Nassah Faad was more restrained. "I am more sad than angry" he explained. "I just hope we can behead the guilty parties and move on."

Nestor Brinkman, who converted to Islam from lithium, explained "When you insult the Koran, you insult all Muslims. The Koran is a symbol."

"The Koran is not a symbol" agreed Fausia il-Manrd. "It is the words of God, given to the angel Gabriel and transcribed by Muhammad, who did not take dictation and had trouble with homonyms."

Lester Bumschnert, the 83 year old library volunteer responsible for shelving the book was confused by all the commotion. When asked about the erroneous shelf-placement he shrugged and said "I thought it was Dr. Seuss."

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a copy of the Koran was inadvertently shelved between "The Cat in the Hat" and "Green Eggs and Ham."

I found the story quite funny, but afterwards I wished the books chosen would have been "Green Eggs and Ham" and "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?" (or some other title after K). I really liked the "lithium" part.

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Jesus Christ! It's a musical!

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