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Being Alone

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No, but I'm right here and I can share some of the info I dished out there.

Rule#1 (for men and women) - Go to where the Objectivist singles are. 

Everybody at the conference was off to a good start because they came to a great place to find Objectivist singles: the conference.  Another good place -- for the same reason -- is THE FORUM for Ayn Rand Fans. :)

Congratulations!  So far, you're on the right track.

Wait, you mean I have to actually go out and meet women? I thought they were supposed to come and knock at my door! :D Finding single women is the hardest thing for me... I wish that every non-single person had some kind of distinctive jewelry or something (like a wedding ring) so I would have a little help! I would feel strange meeting someone at a conference or online, because I am not really eager to have a long-distance relationship (because I am finding that I greatly miss the physical presence of someone,) but it is certainly a possibility. How should singles meet each other on a forum? Should we post a classified ad? :)

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Usually there is a package that includes lodging at the conference hotel, or a separate package just for the lectures and events alone. This year it seems as if we have to make arrangements at the conference hotel ourselves. Usually the west coast conference is followed the next summer by an east coast one. Whether east or west, I hope you will be able to attend. I suspect, like most everyone there, you will have a wonderful and exciting time.

ARGH I'm screwed. I live in the middle. At least I don't live in Jakarta or something.

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ARGH I'm screwed.  I live in the middle.  At least I don't live in Jakarta or something.

The 2006 conference, by the way, will be in Telluride, Colorado. Not that that is much closer to Ohio. But I endured the five hour plane ride from Florida to California in 2003, and it was worth it.

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How should singles meet each other on a forum? Should we post a classified ad?  :)

I make some specific suggestions as to what to do next on the thread titled "Singles?" (click here).

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Excellent advice!

Rewarding relationships are built on common values.  Sharing a value -- any value on any level -- is a rational and moral bond between people.

Regarding friendships, I discovered something when I revisited the country I grew up in. I had left at 19, and returned some seven years later. The friends I had shared so much with, seemed distant in interest and remembrance of old times. After some thought, I realized what had happened.

In my youth, friendship was based common interest, but on a concrete level. Now, when I returned, we could not share the physical activities, and were left with common sense of life values to draw us together. It was this which was missing, and I realized how little I had in common with them after all.

Later in life, I met a friend who not only shared the concrete interests, but the philosophical values I had. He has been closer than a brother, and our trust extended to access of each others bank accounts in case of accident. We even shared our careers (He too was an airline captain).

I am now preparing to visit him in Canada, perhaps for the last time, as he has advanced liver cancer. Regardless of what happens, I am indeed fortunate to have has a true friend in every way.

Anyone who can add friendship like this to a romantic relationship (which this certainly is not), will have much to be happy about.

Arnold

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Anyone who can add friendship like this to a romantic relationship (which this certainly is not), will have much to be happy about.

That was quite an illustration of the value of friendship, Arnold. You two were very fortunate to have found each other. It is sad to hear about his impending demise, and almost as sad to think of your loss. I hope that during your last visit you will both be able to celebrate what you have had with each other.

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Anyone who can add friendship like this to a romantic relationship (which this certainly is not), will have much to be happy about.

Arnold

I think it's great you will be visiting your friend soon! It sounds like you're probably also pretty comfortable letting him know how special he is to you.

Those are the kind of relationships I treasure too!

Take care...

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I think it's great you will be visiting your friend soon! It sounds like you're probably also pretty comfortable letting him know how special he is to you.

Those are the kind of relationships I treasure too!

Take care...

Thank you Stephen and Elizabeth, for your kind thoughts. After 35 years of shared friendship, laughter and ambitions, a big chunk of my world will disappear. Life really is a series of transitions, our earlier configurations pass away and and we are reborn into a changed world.

Arnold

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[The story about Don]

I'll second all of that.

I recently had a struggle with loneliness myself. For several years, I had a slough of superficial friendships that weren't really based on anything. I surrounded myself with a bunch of people who didn't know what they wanted out of life, had no real values, and, quite frankly, didn't have much going on upstairs. During that time, I wasn't really lonely, but was left unfullfilled by my "friends." I ended up giving most of them "the axe," which left me in a different predicament: I was lonely. (It may be that my previous unfulfillment was actually a form of loneliness, which was left unidentified.)

Today, I can count the people I call true friends on one hand; there are exactly two. Neither are Objectivists, and there are certainly many things I would do differently if I were making decisions in their place. I've already written about my #1 friend in the "In Praise of" forum. The other is a no-holds-barred socialist. Our views are opposed to each other on almost every philosophical issue, but we're still friends. Why? For exactly the reasons Stephen talked about. She's generally a delight to be around, we laugh at the same jokes, we argue intelligently with each other, and she doesn't take it to heart when I jokingly call her "commie scum."

The point of all of that is that it's not necessary for a person to share ALL of your values for you to be friends, or even MOST of them, as Betsy pointed out earlier. What's important is that you share at least some common values, and that you value each other.

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I'll add that I've found a low number of right friends far preferable to a large number of the wrong ones. In other words: Where friendship is concerned, quality > quantity.

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I'll second all of that.

I recently had a struggle with loneliness myself. [...]

That could've been written straight from my bio to the letter. :excl:

You're very right, quality is much more important than quantity.

Besides, now I have more time for my myself :)

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The 2006 conference, by the way, will be in Telluride, Colorado. Not that that is much closer to Ohio. But I endured the five hour plane ride from Florida to California in 2003, and it was worth it.

Hi Daniel, do you have any further info on Telluride in 06? That would be great news for me - a friend (former boss) owns a house there, and I'd been intending to stay there for a vacation sometime anyway. I hope he doesn't sell his house before it happens.

On topic, when I was younger, I had reconciled myself to the likelihood of being romantically unattached. I was alone, but didn't mind so much, and wasn't really too lonely. I had studies and work to keep me busy, tennis to practice, and thanks to books, I could spend a lot of time with the greatest minds in history.

After I was able to establish myself a bit professionally, I was able to afford to attend some Summer Objectivist conferences. I've made some friends at the conferences, supplemented with the internet. Romance did not quite work out from that starting point, but came later from an unexpected direction, thanks partly to a gift of Atlas Shrugged made to my future wife, and having continued to make myself into a more admirable person.

Incidentally, Betsy used to put together books that allowed people to write down their interests and backgrounds, and I recally buying one at the start of conferences, and then making a specific effort to find people whose interests were similar to mine in certain ways - be it food, profession, hobbies, etc. I don't know if Betsy still makes these books, but I suppose one could stick one's neck out and improvise by advertising/announcing one's interests. (E.G., I recall at a Lake Tahoe conference a girl using word of mouth and past online discussions to organize a dinner of young finance professionals).

I've also seen people at conferences sitting alone all week with a disgruntled look on their face. Don't let that be you.

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Hi Daniel, do you have any further info on Telluride in 06? That would be great news for me - a friend (former boss) owns a house there, and I'd been intending to stay there for a vacation sometime anyway. I hope he doesn't sell his house before it happens.

I don't think there is much information to be had, at this point. I think the conference is in Telluride to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the publication of Atlas Shrugged...since the valley which inspired Galt's Gulch is around there somewhere. Now that I reflect on this further, though, I'm not sure whether the Telluride conference will be in 2006 or 2007. (My copy of Atlas Shrugged says it's original copyright was in 1957.)

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Now that I reflect on this further, though, I'm not sure whether the Telluride conference will be in 2006 or 2007. (My copy of Atlas Shrugged says it's original copyright was in 1957.)

I got this note from Betsy's Cybernet early in January, and I kept so I would remember.

According to the Telluride (CO) Daily Planet:

    The [Telluride and Mountain Village Convention and Visitors

    Bureau] reported that the Ayn Rand Institute has decided to hold

    its 2007 Objectivist Conference in Telluride. The conference means

    3,600 room-nights over two weeks in July 2007. Objectivists follow

    the ideas of the novelist and philosopher Ayn Rand. Her most

    famous book, "Atlas Shrugged," ends with the creation of a small

    town in a remote valley in the Rocky Mountains where business

    leaders from around the country come to live, and where money is

    the highest good.

Telluride Daily Planet

(emphasis added)

~Aurelia

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I have just a general question; how do you deal with being alone? I don't mean for short periods of time, but long term loneliness and (at least the feeling of isolation.) Obviously I am asking in part because of my own situation :excl: but I am curious to see what people say. By being alone I don't necessarily mean physically being alone, but rather not having any close friends. In my case, I am on a university campus that is extremely liberal so it is hard to make a really close friend. I have people I talk to, and even hang out with sometimes, but it can be a little taxing at times (one of the people here just recently tried to convince me that capitalism can't work because the amount of value in the world is unchanging!) And I am single too, but that is another issue entirely  :) Anyway, I am sure that most of the people here have felt alone at one time or another, so I just want to know what you did to help deal with it.

I have an interesting perspective to offer. Shortly after I became an Ayn Rand enthusiast I started my studies at the Tel-Aviv University. Even though I was always a very friendly and open person, this time I was shut off completely.

I had some seriously deranged professors of philosophy, and my cinema studies were not a whole lot better. (Feminist and Marxist interpretations of cinema. Ugh.) All students appeared to me stupid, stoned or corrupt. I felt totally isolated - I passed my first year there not exchanging more than a few sentences with anyone, student or teacher - outside of class.

Thinking back, I was probably hostile or just sealed to most people. Having just started accepting Objectivism, I was constantly struck by how irrational people can be, and how opposed our philosophies were. By the end of that year I had decided, for unrelated reasons, to change direction. I took a year off and started again, this time at a different university. Before I started, I made the conscious choice to be more friendly and open.

The difference was huge. I made a lot of friends, my professors loved me. I didn't have to compromise my ideas or hide them in any way - all I had to do was treat people with a little kindness and respect (unless of course they earned my scorn and discourteousness, which surprisingly almost never happened).

It's funny how simple it is, and how obvious it is in retrospect. But my problem wasn't that I didn't know how to be friendly, but that I didn't think most people were worth it. I was wrong.

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Thinking back, I was probably hostile or just sealed to most people. Having just started accepting Objectivism, I was constantly struck by how irrational people can be, and how opposed our philosophies were.

What you describe is so typical.

When a person just begins to accept a philosophy he hasn't fully integrated yet, he is on shaky moral ground and his level of moral certainty and his self-esteem tend to be quite fragile. He feels threatened by people with opposing ideas. He may react by being defensive in ways that can vary from agressive, hostile confrontations with others to total withdrawal from social contact.

By the end of that year I had decided, for unrelated reasons, to change direction. I took a year off and started again, this time at a different university. Before I started, I made the conscious choice to be more friendly and open.

The difference was huge. I made a lot of friends, my professors loved me. I didn't have to compromise my ideas or hide them in any way - all I had to do was treat people with a little kindness and respect (unless of course they earned my scorn and discourteousness, which surprisingly almost never happened).

What a difference a pro-active, value-seeking approach makes!

It's funny how simple it is, and how obvious it is in retrospect. But my problem wasn't that I didn't know how to be friendly, but that I didn't think most people were worth it. I was wrong.

Most people aren't totally irrational and just about everybody has some values to offer. American have more than most. Objectivists have even more than that. Some Objectivists have even more than that. There isn't enough time in the day or in a lifetime to enjoy all the wonderful people in the world, if that is what you are after.

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"Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody..." - Cat Stevens

Just wanted to lament a little. Lonely tonight.

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"Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody..." - Cat Stevens

Just wanted to lament a little. Lonely tonight.

You've got us...

that is, if you can wait long enough for the replies to come in

:excl:

What fun this forum is, and how radically different an experience it makes being an Objectivist! 30 years ago, we were few and far between.

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"Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody..." - Cat Stevens

Just wanted to lament a little. Lonely tonight.

You mean Yusuf Islam, don't you? :excl:

He found Allah, he's never alone anymore.

Try to do something fun for yourself. I just bought The Incredibles DVD and I'm going to watch it, alone. Being alone is the next best thing. :)

I did see the most beautiful girl in the world tonight at the subway. We gave each other the eyes and then she disappeared into the New York night. Oh, well.

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You've got us...

You beat me to it, but I'll say it anyway: what are we, chopped liver? :excl:

Piz has made so many interesting posts under so many different subjects, that it is hard to imagine him lonely.

What fun this forum is, and how radically different an experience it makes being an Objectivist! 30 years ago, we were few and far between.

If I could I would cue the music to Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World.

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I did see the most beautiful girl in the world tonight at the subway. We gave each other the eyes and then she disappeared into the New York night. Oh, well.

She was probably on her way to Southern California! :excl:

(The Beautiful Woman capital of the world.)

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You beat me to it, but I'll say it anyway: what are we, chopped liver?  :excl:

Piz has made so many interesting posts under so many different subjects, that it is hard to imagine him lonely.

If I could I would cue the music to Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World.

It IS hard to imagine PIZ being alone. He is SO entertaining! And I just started reading all of the posts....

An aside on the song: I first heard it some years ago, while I was earning money playing the piano at weddings...it was a famous person's fabulous penthouse in NYC...original paintings everywhere...the bride walked in to this...I had such fun learning it, making my own arrangement! but you can't beat Armstrong's version: His SMILE! think of it!

:)

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She was probably on her way to Southern California!  :excl:

(The Beautiful Woman capital of the world.)

If that's true, where is the smart handsome man capital of the world? For those of us still looking... :)

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If that's true, where is the smart handsome man capital of the world? For those of us still looking... :excl:

New York City.

Unfortunately, except me they're all damn lefties. I hear Australia has a lot of nice bachelors too. :)

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