Stephen's Health

[ADS 0]

I have no words right now. All of my thoughts are with Betsy.

In my shock, and my honoring of Betsy's request to post the terrible news for her, I neglected to publicly speak to her. Of course, my and Sarah's deepest sympathies are with Betsy, and we will be there for her in any manner she needs for as long as she needs. You are in our thoughts, Betsy. Always.

[PhilO 0]

I'm very saddened to read of Stephen's untimely death. It still doesn't seem quite real to me yet. He deserved many more years of life - a strong, great spirit cut short by a prematurely failing body. All was done that could have been done but it starkly shows how very far medicine still has to go.

[Ed from OC 0]

This sucks.

I spoke yesterday with a friend about Stephen's condition, and how I had a feeling this was it... and yet I'm still shocked. Maybe tomorrow or Monday or soon it'll sink in, but today I still expect to hear from him by phone or e-mail about a new movie, or a play to go see, or to discuss some philosophic issue.

I met Betsy online about 15 years ago and quickly became friends. I soon thereafter met Stephen and grew close to him as well. For the last few years, I had the pleasure of dining with them weekly when I lived nearby, and after moving to Orange County, getting together with them about once a month, alternating between Ventura and Orange Counties. It was always a big pleasure that I looked forward to.

I've never met someone with whom I've shared such a close personal evaluation of movies. At least 90% of the time, if he liked something he'd seen, I'd know I'd like it as well, and vice versa. I was very happy to know that one of my personal favorites, Don Juan de Marco, he had never heard of -- but he liked it immensely when he saw it.

Likewise, he (and another friend, alann) got me interested in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a favorite of his. I ended up loving it as nothing else I've seen on TV or film. I own every season on DVD (including all of Angel). For the last few months, I've been rewatching the entire series and today ended the fifth season. For those who haven't seen the show (shame on you for that!!) this season is emotionally provactive in the extreme. The set of episodes that begin with The Body and carry through to the beginning of season six are tragic beyond words. The characters grapple with death in a way I've never seen in another TV show or movie, and with far more emotional resonance than anything else I've seen.

When I saw these episodes for the first time, I was awestruck and teary-eyed. Watching them today, I kept thinking of Stephen -- and I wept. And if Stephen had been in my place, paralyzed with helplessness as someone good and close wrestled with the reaper, he would have as well.

I miss my friend.

[Arnold 0]

I can't believe it; so suddenly has this tragedy occurred. Betsy, I am dreadfully sorry. Even though I have never met either of you, we had 'contact.' All strength to you, to cope with your loss.

[Alon Tsin 0]

My deepest condolences to Betsy and her family. It is very very sad.

Be strong.

[Walrus 0]

Though I've been here but a short time, it was easy to see Stephen's wonderful personality and powerful intellect. What a horrible loss.

[jordanz 0]

This forum has given me hope for the Objectivist community. The Speichers show a streak of independence and openness that is extremely rare and that I highly value. I didn't know Stephen at all (other than his various posts over the years) but I feel such a deep loss because of his openness. The Objectivist Community has suffered a harsh blow.

[Rose Lake 0]

[RJM 0]

I am deeply saddened tonight to have lost my most learned friend. Ayn Rand fans around the world will also be saddened to have lost one of the strongest supporters and defenders of her philosophy, forever altering the course of this forum, which he founded, and to which he contributed 7,870 posts.

The idea of California without Stephen Speicher will never seem fully real to me. That is all the more true because the end was sudden and so premature. My personal form of tribute will be to stand still for a while, in order to give my undivided attention to each memory before moving forward again.

Respectfully,

RJM

South Pasadena, CA

[JJPierce 0]

There is never any "right" thing to say at a time like this. I lost an old and dear friend only a couple of weeks ago, and I had no right thing to say then. But I miss him, and I know that I will always miss him. I'm sure it will be the same with Stephen. I knew him only from a few contacts on this board, but I will miss him. That is the only comfort I can offer.

[dwisehart 0]

Like Ed, I met Betsy online many years ago. You couldn't know Betsy very long without hearing about Stephen and it was pretty clear that the world revolved around him. While I was stranded in Bermuda for three years, Betsy and a few Objectivists on the island were my life line. It was Betsy who encouraged me to attend my first Objectivist conference and it was at a conference that I first met Stephen and Matt.

Stephen was everything I had come to expect from Betsy's non-stop praise--and he was more. He became a good friend, not just Betsy's loving husband. It was Stephen who introduced me to Ed and his book club, but he warned me that Ed was always late--I should just expect it. When I arrived at Stephen and Betsy's house on time, he was overjoyed.

Stephen, Ed and I are all big fans of Corvette cars from many years before we met. When we went to lunch Stephen took me in his Corvette, even though it meant that Betsy had to take her own car. He even let me drive it briefly, which I could tell was not something he did very often. I remember him talking excitedly about the new model that was coming out soon--which he later bought as soon as it was available. "I can always use another 75 horsepower" he said, sounding like a 17 year old kid.

From his house to his car to his wife, it was clear that Stephen picked his possessions very carefully. He was proud of having made himself a rich man--not measured by of the size of his bank account but from of the quality of his values.

Betsy gave me a woman's view of three different relationships I had, which helped me immensely when I discovered Olga, whom I am married to now. Olga once told me how much she appreciated that I treated her like a lady. That was Betsy's influence through and through. When you met Stephen you knew at once where she got it. Stephen was Olga's favorite amongst all of my friends.

Betsy always knew exactly where she stood with Stephen, and if she forgot he had no problem reminding her. He was always gentle with her, but if he thought she was talking too much, he told so. Later he would quietly tell her it was OK for her to speak again. Stephen exuded strength of character. He was what you think of when you are seven and you are told someone is a great man, with a special emphasis on "man."

Stephen knew his power and he was careful with it when he argued with you. He wanted to hear your opinion, he wanted to know why you thought the way you did, but he also wanted you to know why he was passionate about his opinion. Whether it was image processing software or Einstein you wanted to discuss, Stephen was well informed and he wasn't afraid of telling you why he thought he was right. On subjects he did not know but you were passionate about, he was fascinated and he asked lots of good questions.

It was in the course of discussing what I was doing at HP Labs and a couple of financial companies that I decided to start my own company building cameras for astronomers. Stephen was an accomplished back-yard astronomer and he again had lots of insightful comments about what equipment was available and what was needed. He also had a very simple view of the work you do: life is much too short to be doing something you don't enjoy. He did not want to overly encourage me to do something that was risky from the outset, but he was excited by the thought that a few men were going to turn their minds to extending what was possible for a reasonable price.

When he looked at my company website http://www.YankeeRobotics.com/ and the photos astronomers were taking with our cameras, he told me how proud he was of me. He thought the photos were beautiful and he was impressed by how much we had achieved with few of the resources of the governments that pursue astronomy. What he did not know--because it is brand new and I did not get a chance to tell him--is that the professionals are going to be revisiting some targets that amateurs using our cameras have photographed, because the amateurs are showing things the professionals have never seen before. The pros have very limited time to spend on a target and they have have a justification to look at all. Amateurs can spend hours on a target just because it is there, and using our super sensitive cameras they are showing details no one has ever seen before. Considering the size of their telescopes and the cost of their cameras, this is an unexpected result which the professionals are scrambling to explain.

I have 22 photos taken with our cameras that astronomers have submitted for inclusion in the company website that are not yet on the website. I will take the words of this posting, boil them down to their essence and post them with the photos as a tribute to Stephen. It is the sort of tribute I think he would have enjoyed.

There is a vast hole in my heart today, which I am only beginning to survey. Without Stephen Speicher to spin around, the world is turning a little more slowly. Grant me a little time to grieve, Stephen, for I miss you, my friend. I promise I will pick up with a smile and sure confidence again soon. You would be proud.

[Paul's Here 0]

Although I have only known Stephen as an "online" friend for two years, it is with tears and deep sorrow that I mourn his passing. I think we should celebrate his life without tears. I feel like he has been a family member, in a deeper sense of having been part of a chosen intellectual family. All my sympathies go to Betsy and her family. It takes courage and fortitude to work through such trying times.

I found the following quotation to be appropriate to my feelings at the moment.

Each friend represents a world within us,

a world possibly not born until they arrive,

and it is only by this meeting

that a new world is born.

[Groovenstein 0]

I have nothing, except, wow.

[RationalBiker 0]

I too only knew Stephen for a relative short period of time online. During that time, I did come to have a lot of respect for him. I thoroughly appreciated his approach to discussions and his ability to explain things in a very understandable manner.

I'm very sorry for your loss Betsy, but I trust that you two shared a relationship that very few people are fortunate enough to experience.

Having noted his favorite song in another post, I'm going to iTunes to get "What a Wonderful World" and I will be listening to it frequently today in his memory.

RB

[B. Royce 0]

This is very sad news. I never met Stephen, but I have never known a greater man. It is incredible to think that he is gone, he who loved life so much, who was so strong. It is not fully real to me yet. Betsy, my thoughts are with you.

[tps_fan 0]

I've spent roughly the last 5 hours trying to think of how to write this very specific post. This amounts to an outline of those thoughts.

First of all, I want to thank everyone who has already posted and will later make posts to this thread. Your posts have encouraged me, and I know that you are encouraging _many_ other people.

Unlike Ed from OC, I have a less straight-forward history. I'm neither a total stranger nor a close friend of the Speichers; I'm just an acquaintance of theirs. I did actually personally meet his family when they came down to the Americans for Free Choice in Medicine office almost 10 years ago. Back then, AFCM had volunteer days when we would get together and build the monthly news packet by hand. I didn't talk to Stephen at great length; I just remember that they were all personable. Before that personal encounter and after, I really only knew of Mr. Speicher via the web. From usenet groups APO and then HPO, then later from ObjectivismOnline.net, and finally to here, I've generally tried to be aware of the issues they were discussing.

I want to turn to something more immediate now. As the regulars here know, there's no doubt that Betsy will work through this set of circumstances as best as possible. One of the things that no one can deny is that this family is comprised of passionate fighters. I also believe that all concerned will figure out how to manage. Still, I think I can offer some valuable suggestions.

Obviously, if someone has some specialized concerns, then they should get professional advice. I don't think that I've ever discussed this before online, but if there was ever a reason... I happened to have lost one of my 2 best friends (he's the TPS in my forum user name.) He died from cancer a few years ago, and I had to learn the hard way how to try to reconcile that situation.

Roughly speaking, here's what I generally learned and experienced: It's absolutely normal to quickly cycle through most every major feeling. I would suggest that if and when you experience this do _not_ block it or evade it. You might not even feel in control or be able to track it. Also, more generally, the length and order of the grieving stages can certainly vary individually. There is NOT just one way to grieve. If you need to be alone, then that is also fine; it's _not_ a sign of being anti-social. It's a time when a person's mind is indicating the need for serious concentration and contemplation. I _believe_ that this part of the process can be delayed but only temporarily; I would not suggest delaying this type of rumination for long. The other thing that is critical is to at least attempt to maintain a fairly regular schedule.

To personalize these norms, I went through absolute Hell for 2 weeks immediately after losing my friend. It was my worst nightmare come true. ..but what got me through that was _work_. Change your focus, change your schedule, but whatever you do, don't let yourself get into an extended slump. Honestly, no matter how bad a person feels, and no matter how many times they fail to "jumpstart" themselves, it's just a matter of continuing to try to get back on track. Since I've frequently heard related questions, another thing I wanted to mention is you will _never_ forget a loved one, and in fact you may experience sudden vivid memories. A friendship or a loved one is a top value, a person's conscious is not going to let go of that!

One other thing, (and this is likely either too incidental or too early but) if someone wanted to PM me about a related concern, then I would be open to hearing from you (especially if you are local to SoCal.) My only stipulation is that I will only consider discussing these issues with members of this forum.

Finally, some people might think this is inappropriate or pretentious, but I really can't take that type of criticism seriously. I'm writing for extremely selfish reasons. I wish like anything someone would have told this to _me_ several years ago when I lost my friend.

Keep pushing, and remember those immortal words,"Who will stop me?"

[HeroicLife 0]

I'm very sorry to hear the news. Stephen and I had our differences, but I deeply respected his knowledge, insight, and experience. He's a great loss to those who loved him, but also to the Objectivist community.

[CICEROSC 0]

My condolences as well, first and foremost to Betsy, but then also to those who (unlike me) had the opportunity to know Stephen personally as a friend.

[Maarten 0]

I, too, don't really know what to say to this. I will certainly miss the opportunity to read Stephen's posts and insights very much. I always learned a great deal from his writings. I am saddened that I will never have the opportunity to meet him now.

Betsy, you have my deepest condolances. I wish you all the best for the future.

[RayVernagus 0]

The world seems less interesting now.

[piz 0]

I wish I could say something that would have meaning at this time, but there's nothing. Perhaps when the shock has subsided.

Betsy, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what it might be, but if there's anything within my power to do for you, I will gladly do it.

[Elizabeth 0]

Our deepest sympanthy to Betsy and the Speicher Family!

Stephen will be greatly missed! He seemed a man of integrity, inspired excellent conversation here on The Forum, as well as in our home in regard to philosophy (and terrific movie rec's too!), and so many other subjects of interest.

Best Regards,

Tony and Elizabeth Anema

[free spirit 0]

Betsy,

My most sincere, respectful condolences go out to you.

When I heard the news, it brought me to tears.

I very much wish I were there to give you a long, big hug. I am here to help or support you in any way I can....

From what I know of Stephen, the song "What a Wonderful World" was a very beautiful and appropriate anthem to his life.

My strength and affection go out to you Betsy...

Sincerely, Carrie~*

[alann 0]

It pains me greatly to have to inform everyone that Stephen passed away tonight.

...

--Alex

Betsy.

I'm so sorry.

[softwareGuru 0]

Clearly Stephen grabbed life by the throat, and lived it with inspiring passion.

My condolences to Betsy and Matt.