piz

Jokes

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"There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don't."

:)

You the Joke thread is getting long when ... people tell the same joke months apart! :)

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.  :)

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:)

post-205-1126768960_thumb.jpg

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<Psi^x*abs(Spanish Inquisition)*Psi> = 0

:)

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This is the greatest physics joke I've ever heard.

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As a Physics major I am ashamed to admit I'm at a complete loss Aurelia.

I second that, lol.

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Maybe the formula is wrong. A friend of mine who's taking quantum told it to me, and so I'm not entirely sure how that formula works. But being in physics has given me the experience that Psi is generally used in calculation of expectation, so I was inclined to take his word for it.

The joke is that the probability or expectation of Spanish Inquisition is zero.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! :)

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Ohhhh, the psi function thing: it makes sense now, though the joke is still quite odd.

Which means you haven't seen the immortal Monty Python sketch where "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" was first introduced to the world.

:)

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Which means you haven't seen the immortal Monty Python sketch where "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" was first introduced to the world.

I haven't seen it, which is probably why I still didn't get the joke. :)

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Now this just reminds me of Mel Brook's History of the World Part 1:

"The Inquisition; what a show!

The Inquisition; here we go!

You know you're wishin', that we'd just go away!"

:)

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Here's the final proof of volition in animals and robots. (Yes, Plato, roll in your grave; those misleading poets are at it again!)

The Parrot's Robot

The robot was racing around the room,

Chasing the cat with a yellow broom.

The parrot was shouting, "Go, go, go!

My oh my, what a wonderful show!"

The robot was crawling on hands and knees,

Searching the floor for wee bits of cheese.

The parrot was shouting, "Out of the house!

No robot of mine shall copy a mouse!"

The robot was dancing around the tree,

Tossing his broom as high as could be.

The parrot was shouting, "High, high, high!

Now copy, robot, copy a fly!"

The robot was flying far away;

Goodbye to the cheese, and the cat so gray.

The parrot was shouting, "Back, back, back-er;

Come back, Robby, Polly wants a crack-er!"

The robot was walking out on the beach;

"I've a lesson," he thought, "that parrot to teach:

If you want a robot to stay and please,

You must make very sure he gets his cheese."

The parrot was hungry, he wanted a meal;

He thought, "If Rob comes back, I'll make him a deal."

The robot was reading a book on parrots,

And onions, potatoes, salt and carrots.

___________________________________________

Brian Faulkner

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A few days ago, at the local Chevy Dealership, a blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know what it was but this piece had always been there.

He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had its hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"

She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there." (Click on the word "there".)

:)

Zak

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Pursuant to Burgess Laughlin's recent post on moods in English grammar, I can't resist tossing out this old chestnut:

A woman gets into a cab in Boston and tells the driver "take me someplace I can get scrod." The cabbie looks back at her in surprise and says "Lady, that's the first time I've ever heard anyone say that using the pluperfect subjunctive."

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Just got done watching "The Parking Space" Seinfeld episode, and I had to post Jerry's standup bit at the end:

"People will kill each other for a parking space in New York because they think,

'If I don't get this one, I may never get a space.' You know? 'I'll be

circling for months until somebody goes out to the Hamptons.' I think because

everyone in New York City knows there's gotta be way more cars than parking

spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. It's like

Musical Chairs except everybody sat down around 1964."

I think that last line is just hilarious :lol:

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I think Objectivits will like that one. It's a Lincoln quote (quoted by Dawkins in his latest book "The Ancestor's Tale"):

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

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That Seinfeld bit is great. Probably my favorite traffic-related line is from Futurama when Fry is describing what it was like in New York back in his day.

"Nobody drove in New York; there was too much traffic."

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This isn't a joke, and I haven't perused the entire thread to see if other forms of humor are acceptable here, but I did see some orangutan photos, so here goes:

http://www.funnypictures.dk/funny-picture-483.htm

It links to a page where a short video should automatically begin playing. Don't worry, it's nothing inappropriate, it's rated "G". It's one of the cutest things I have ever seen, and I can't help laughing every time I watch it. I bet you do, too.

CT

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That's really cute.

The antics of that little cat remind me of a small dog that my son's friend once brought over to swim in the pool with us and Cali, my golden retriever. Cali is a very accomplished and graceful swimmer. This was the first time that the other dog was in a pool, and she swam upright with her paws paddling frantically fast. She looked like a live version of a little motorboat. Everyone was hysterical with laughter. I caught it on video and have it buried somewhere, but it would make a funny movie like the one with that cat.

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Hello everyone,

This isn't a joke, but it made me smile:

Type in "French victories" in Google.

Press "I'm Feeling Lucky."

JohnRGT

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Hello everyone,

This isn't a joke, but it made me smile:

Type in "French victories" in Google.

Press "I'm Feeling Lucky."

That page also shows up as the first entry for a regular google search.

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If you follow the link suggesting an alternate search for French Military Defeats they have a brief history of France's military defeats that is quite funny.

On a random note, rosstafar, a friend of mine on this forum found this book at the Texas Tech library, and I experienced a sharp jolt of surprise/laughter when I saw it:

http://northatlanticbooks.com/store/1556434456.html

:blink:

Who would have known that Vladimir Putin was an expert Judoka (and at that, supposedly a sixth-degree blackbelt)? I can't figure out whether that is hilarious, just interesting, or deeply scary, that Vladimir Putin is a world-renowned master of Judo...it puts it even further into perspective when you remember that he is Ex-KGB :wacko:

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