"What a stupid question!!"

[Jim A. 0]

For over a year now I have been working at a nursing home under a nurse--an LPN--who seems to consider almost every question I ask as either stupid, beneath her dignity to answer, or a just plain waste of her time. And because she interrupts me very often, I haven't yet thought of a "tactful" way to approach her about the way she responds to my questions.

She has never told me that my questions are stupid, but her tone of voice seems to say: "Boy, you're an idiot. What a stupid question!" Personally, I don't give a damn what she thinks of me or my questions. However, I believe our work relationship can be adversely effected because of what she thinks of me. In fact, it already is; she keeps telling me the same thing over and over, as if by doing that I will finally "get it". All this does is waste precious minutes when I am anxious to return to a resident's room or have the nurse give them a medication. I am often in fear of exasperating her by a question, since she has exhibited impatience with my questions; if she's exasperated with me, that will only make her less willing to give me a clear and complete answer to something, and trying to get a clear answer from her at times is like pulling teeth. Incidentally, she is the first nurse I've ever worked for that has responded to me in this way, and most of the nurses I've worked for in past years were RN's.

Without psychologizing, what might be the motivation behind people who react to questions the way she does? I have a theory, but I can't prove it. I believe such people have the expectation of omniscience in others. For some reason, they expect people--including themselves--to have been born with knowledge, and they're afraid of the fact that knowledge has to be processed in order to be achieved, and that requires real effort. But this is only a theory.

I want to tell her that whenever I or anyone asks a question, we have a reason for asking, otherwise we wouldn't be asking the question. I'd also like to tell her that I am not omniscient. (And if she asks what the word "omniscient" means, I'd be tempted to answer: "What?! Don't you know what 'omniscient' means?! )

(Incidentally, in a casual conversation we had shortly after I started working under her, she told me she'd like to teach classes for nursing assistants. I thought: "Boy, if you ever do, be ready for alot of 'stupid' questions!")

[AdamM 0]

My first thought was that she had some distain for her job, and by proxy, for your interested questions. But if she said she'd like to teach the subject to nurses, perhaps this isn't correct -- without knowing more, it's really just a guess. People can be unhappy for a million reasons and let it spill over into their careers. I would approach the subject very gingerly, saying something like "Have I offended you?" when she answers a question this way. Perhaps this will allow her to realize the way she's speaking to you. And more importantly, her reaction might tell you if it's intentional or not.

[Betsy Speicher 0]

Without psychologizing, what might be the motivation behind people who react to questions the way she does?

I agree with Adam that there's really no way of knowing -- or at least getting more information -- without asking. If it were me, I'd ask, "Does my question bother you? How come?" You ought to be able to get that much out before she interrupts you.

[Stussy88 0]

For over a year now I have been working at a nursing home under a nurse--an LPN--who seems to consider almost every question I ask as either stupid, beneath her dignity to answer, or a just plain waste of her time. And because she interrupts me very often, I haven't yet thought of a "tactful" way to approach her about the way she responds to my questions.

She has never told me that my questions are stupid, but her tone of voice seems to say: "Boy, you're an idiot. What a stupid question!" Personally, I don't give a damn what she thinks of me or my questions. However, I believe our work relationship can be adversely effected because of what she thinks of me. In fact, it already is; she keeps telling me the same thing over and over, as if by doing that I will finally "get it". All this does is waste precious minutes when I am anxious to return to a resident's room or have the nurse give them a medication. I am often in fear of exasperating her by a question, since she has exhibited impatience with my questions; if she's exasperated with me, that will only make her less willing to give me a clear and complete answer to something, and trying to get a clear answer from her at times is like pulling teeth. Incidentally, she is the first nurse I've ever worked for that has responded to me in this way, and most of the nurses I've worked for in past years were RN's.

Without psychologizing, what might be the motivation behind people who react to questions the way she does? I have a theory, but I can't prove it. I believe such people have the expectation of omniscience in others. For some reason, they expect people--including themselves--to have been born with knowledge, and they're afraid of the fact that knowledge has to be processed in order to be achieved, and that requires real effort. But this is only a theory.

I want to tell her that whenever I or anyone asks a question, we have a reason for asking, otherwise we wouldn't be asking the question. I'd also like to tell her that I am not omniscient. (And if she asks what the word "omniscient" means, I'd be tempted to answer: "What?! Don't you know what 'omniscient' means?! )

(Incidentally, in a casual conversation we had shortly after I started working under her, she told me she'd like to teach classes for nursing assistants. I thought: "Boy, if you ever do, be ready for alot of 'stupid' questions!")

Just keep a bottle of evening primrose oil in your desk

Seriously, it could be factors external to work and she is projecting hostility into work ~ maybe a calm quite talk to get to the root of it? Alternatively, a leading type question such as "I appreciate you are busy so when would be the best time to talk to you about one or two issues so that I can get some feedback"

If you get the "Never" response try "Should I speak to your boss about it instead, or is there some time you could allocate me"

Just watch a slot open up.

[Arnold 0]

She may not be aware of how she comes across. Her attitude is possibly automated. Try not to take her response personally. I have found that 'grumpy' people respond better to friendly 'confrontation' than meek withdrawal. They get tired of that response, even though they bring it about. They appreciate the interaction because it makes them feel more human.

[Ifat Glassman 0]

Without psychologizing, what might be the motivation behind people who react to questions the way she does? I have a theory, but I can't prove it. I believe such people have the expectation of omniscience in others. For some reason, they expect people--including themselves--to have been born with knowledge, and they're afraid of the fact that knowledge has to be processed in order to be achieved, and that requires real effort. But this is only a theory.

This is not psychologizing at all. Psychologizing means to come up with theories about someone else's psychology without or contrary to evidence.

In this case, your theory sounds very logical, given that you read the tone correctly (tone being "what a stupid question!", vs. something like "I don't have patience for this").

I wouldn't say certain, but it is worth to give it a shot as the way to solve the problem.

Maybe you can approach the topic on general terms and try to develop some conversation about it. I think most people will not be honest with you if you ask them "Do you think my questions are stupid?"

[Jim A. 0]

Thanks, everybody; you've given me some ideas to "chew" on.