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Dilemma at work


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#21 Steerpike

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Posted 14 November 2012 - 09:12 PM

Perhaps she came to her senses? Relationships among co-workers is, in almost every case, toxic to the work environment. My recommendation to you is to stop dating co-workers. If you are a supervisor it opens you up to accusations of patiality from other workers when the relationship is going well and accusations of harassment from the employee when the relationship isn't going well.

#22 Red

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Posted 15 November 2012 - 12:20 PM

Work is one of the most common places for couples to meet. Where I work there are a total of ~2000 people, 400-500 in my office, and there are lots of people who have met that way, started dating and even getting married. I work in a team of 15 people and 3 of them are married to someone from work. That includes my boss.
I've dated a few and I know what it's like when things don't go well. I've also witnessed stormy relationships with people who've worked closely together. It has never, ever, been toxic. Things may be a bit more difficult, but when people act like adults problems can be worked out.
Had I been her boss it would have been a problem. I think that's against employers policy. A problem like that can easily be solved by someone relocating to another team. Which is usually what happens anyway if co-workers start dating.

I think it's much more sensible to realize that life is finite and you have to seize the opportunities you find. I'm not going to allow myself the luxury of rejecting a potentially great value because the circumstances could make things more difficult. When I meet someone I like, I go for it. Then solve any problems that may arise.

And I know there are some popular sayings, which i'm not going to repeat, about the matter. I've heard it a million times, and I consider it all a bunch of nonsense.

#23 Steerpike

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Posted 15 November 2012 - 02:56 PM

I appreciate your approach to life, however in the long run I think you'll find that those sayings have become cliches for good reason.

#24 Red

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Posted 15 November 2012 - 09:40 PM

I have already been in difficult situations. Yes, things can get more complicated. There are better places to look for romance. But, whatever happens - I can handle it.

Regarding work environment there's one important thing i've learned. Whatever the problem may be, like failed romance or conflicts, make it your responsibility to have a good environment. Lead by example and you'll get others with you to create an environment that you like working in.

I say that just as a general reflection, since you mentioned work environment. It's such a simple thing, but people tend to forget that which can make a little friction into huge, nasty, problems(I noticed that when I started at my current job, and today the environment is simply wonderful).

#25 Steerpike

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Posted 03 December 2012 - 04:58 PM

I would say your approach to problem solving is correct...but nothing really to do with your question which as I understood it "why doesn't she want to be involved with me anymore." I will however say that most interpersonal problem solving in an office environment is more akin to Fight Club and therefore it is wise to avoid the potential problems. This would be particularly important for someone new to the company. I will go on to point out that her decision isn't about how YOU approach problems in the office but her understandable and conservative approach to office relationships...all be it belatedly.

That said, my position is pure conjecture but since you posted this in a public forum seeking input you can't really expect more than that. :)

#26 Red

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 06:52 PM

I was trying to focus more on what to do but the discussion got derailed. I was looking for input mainly because I was trying to figure out what I wanted. Well... I had decided to give up on the idea and look elsewhere, which i've done. So, naturally, I managed to set up a lunch date with Linda tomorrow. We haven't really spent any time alone since our nightly adventures, so it will be interesting to see how this turns out. My expectations are low, but I don't see any harm in giving her one last chance.
After seeing lots of office relationships I don't buy the Fight Club part. Not at all. However, her more conservative approach is certainly understandable. Her decision is of course based on what she thinks of it. Though I must say that my approach is a significant influence.




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